Monthly Archives: September 2012

11 Days to Go: We are Family

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I always get a kick out of calling my sister-in-law’s cell phone.  While waiting to talk to her, you get a rousing rendition of “We are Family” sung by Sister Sledge.  It always makes me giggle.  My definition of family isn’t confined to simple biological connections.  I think that God gave me a family of birth AND a much bigger family by His plans.  For both I am thankful.

But what I really want to talk about is one of the “families” that Reed belonged to and now, Sawyer does as well.  That family is the Lakeview Football Family.  This brotherhood is one that shapes a young man’s life, and often teaches them about more than a game with a pigskin ball.  When you get really good coaches as they all have experienced, you learn that football is a small part of your overall purpose in life.

All the Lakeview Lakers have learned about the 3 F’s: Faith, Family & Football.  For the current roster of players, they have known more than their fair share of adversity through the loss of teammates, friends, brothers, and fathers as well as supporting a coach’s family as they go through a battle with a bigger opponent than the other team. The injuries that are often synonymous with the game of football seem small in comparison to the burdens their broad shoulders have had to bear at such a young age.

While winning is fun, it certainly isn’t everything, and I would be hard pressed to find a more caring and giving group of young men.  Their character shows on and off the field.  When a friend or foe is hurt in the game, many take a knee and they pray.  When someone is hurting they show up or at least call, even if that means one is in one hospital and the other is another hospital miles away. Some even travelled over 430 miles to say a final goodbye to Reed. The bonds are deeper than 4 quarters on a grassy field.

In school they are leaders and they make a difference.  Some of them have quite a following among the elementary kids, who admire them not just because football players are cool.  But more so, it is because they are genuinely nice kids who aren’t too cool to “hang out” with kids half their age and a quarter their size.

At Reed’s Run, they are going to be present one last time honor their friend, classmate, teammate and brother.  They will be out there helping with the inflatables and selling concessions during the movie.   Their presence means more to my family than they will ever know.  The bond of brothers is one not easily broken.  Even though I am not a member of this team, I have more than once benefitted from their kindness, usually a hug when I needed it the most.  So I don’t care what any scoreboard ever says, their place in my heart will never change. I will always be a Laker fan.

12 Days to Go: But I can’t

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“Junk Art” Motorcycle
Available at Reed’s Run

Each year, I have a few people that pull me aside, and tell me that they want to run a 5k but that they just don’t think they can.  I totally get that.  If you followed along on my journey to finishing my first triathlon, then you would also know that my biggest hurdle to overcome was my personal fear of failure.  In the end, not only did I finish, but I beat my own personal best time.  Granted I was not gifted with any stellar athletic genes, but I did show up.  But before I started “showing up”, I used all kinds of excuses: getting older, out of shape, severe asthma, I hate running and the list goes on.

Thankfully the story of our “auction guy” does not parallel my own.  The first year of fundraising was Reed’s art show and the auction items were supposed to raise money for his trip to Australia.  The second year (1st Reed’s Run) the auction items were put together by the Reed’s Run team members.  But three was definitely a charm.  The third auction year was when a friend from church, who had been such a positive encourager for Sawyer during his rehabilitation, called and asked if he could help out with the auction.

My first response was “We aren’t in the business of turning down good help.” But in the back of my mind, I thought how much can one guy do.  My friend has had some struggles in his life – a severe learning disability, the death of his sister, and a few other things that would definitely knock some down. Not my friend.  Remember my list of excuses that kept me from keeping a promise I made to Reed & Sawyer about completing a triathlon.  It seems my friend never has time to pencil in the reasons why he cannot do something.

He just got down to business, and the auction items started rolling in.  And rolling in.  And rolling in.  He is amazing.  My gifts and talents do not include the ability to do what he does. I would be quaking in my boots going out soliciting donations and chatting with people I don’t know. At the first hint of no, I would be out the door.  Thankfully, that is not my friend’s method of operation; because without his diligent work, the auction would never be as successful as it is.

I have been thinking a lot about my friend’s commitment to our family and specifically to Reed’s Run.  I know that God has equipped each of us with talents to do His work, but sometimes, I am so afraid to fail that I don’t even start.  I am so glad that my friend doesn’t seem to possess that same gene. I am so blessed to know someone who seems all of life’s possibilities and not the potential problems.

So even if you don’t ever win a 5k, I believe there is a lot more “I CAN” in all of us, if we just show up and try.    I think my friend would definitely agree.  Hopefully, more of his attitude will rub off on me, so that the next time I come across a challenge, my answer will be “I KAN”!

 

13 days to go: the real hope!

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Logo Design by Palmer Tattoo
Marshall, MN

I have been amazed by the comments about my faith or my strength.  In reality, I don’t feel that strong or faith-filled much of the time. Often, I feel overwhelmed, doubtful, worrisome, and plain weak.  But I am always drawn back to the One person who has always been there.  Somehow when I have all of those real human emotions, I get a small something – maybe a song on the radio or a cardinal flying by my window.  I take those “signs” as if God is sending me a message straight from heaven telling you can go just a little farther.  The message almost always seems to be, “Don’t worry.  I know you are hurting, but remember I am right here, loving you forever.”

Every time I get one of those messages, I am also reminded that God knows exactly what it is like to lose a son.  That is very humbling.  He understands the depth of my grief. Every hurt that I have felt, God knows exactly how that feels.  If am angry and need to vent, God is okay with that too. Even the man after God’s own heart lashes out at God in the Psalms when he was hurting, and God still loved him anyway.

The mission of Reed’s Run has always been the 3 R’s: Remembering Reed, Reaching Others for Christ, and Raising funds for students.  The middle R has been a constant theme as we have prepared for the final run.  The truth is that Reed’s Run might be the biggest platform I ever have to do that.  I want to make it count.  I want to have Reed’s Run end with an exclamation point.  If I didn’t have so many grammarian friends, I would declare I wanted a multitude of exclamation points, but they might balk at that.   In all seriousness, I want to share that the faith that I profess has one source – Jesus Christ.

Growing up my grandparents had a fish camp in Ponce De Leon, Florida.  I often romanticized what it was like during the time of the great explorers. Unlike the conquistador who likely never found the fountain of youth, I have found the life giving LIVING well of water, the fount of hope that never runs dry.  For that I am humbled and amazed.  My awe led to the creation of the official logo for the final run.  I was simply the idea person, and God gave the perfect idea on who to contact.

A very special THANK YOU to Tim at Palmer’s Tattoos for listening to my ramblings and “seeing” my vision.  The logo created exceeded my expectations.  You perfectly put into art the very way my heart feels.

14 days to go: If you need a laugh

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I’ve always said that Reed came into the world looking like a little old man.  He continued carrying an old soul inside a youthful body his whole life.  We have a picture of him in bib overalls and a denim fisherman’s hat when he was about 3 or 4 months old.  Other than his size, you would have thought he was ready for the retirement center.

Despite his little old guy appearance, it was a face that this momma loved.  He was always wise beyond his years and was comfortable conversing with anyone.  One of the sweetest compliments we received at his memorial service was from a grandpa of one of his friends that said, “Reed was over at our house, and we had an hour long conversation.  I couldn’t believe that a 12-year-old could keep up with an old guy like me, but he did.”  It made us smile.  Old soul – youthful body.

One thing about people who possess an old spirit is that they recognize when someone else is hurting.  The response to that hurt is as diverse as the 96 crayon box of Crayola’s.  For my little old man, his responses ranged from a tender hand holding to giant bear hugs.  Yet, his favorite method of comforting others was to make you laugh.  Often it was laugh until you cried tears of joy.

When you needed a laugh, he was always there with some kind of humor.  Different than his brother who does great stand-up, Reed’s humor often involved slapstick routines.  Think 3 Stooges and early Chevy Chase work.  When he first saw “Grandpa”, the Six Flags character that danced, imitation became a sincere form of flattery.  Reed didn’t mind when told him that he resembled that character, in fact, it only encouraged him to learn his “routine” even more.

I could be having the worse day ever, and Reed would clear a space on the floor.  The next thing I would hear is, “Hey Mom!”  When I looked up, the “dance” was on.  It was always an instant mood lifter.  As a people, we are good at laughing at ourselves.  It was no different for Reed.  When the “performance” ended, Reed would laugh as hard as the rest of us.  The dance never got old.  It became one of those beloved favorites like a much loved blanket or pair of shoes.  Snuggly comfort – that created that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

It amazes me that Reed’s Run has always been a instrument for reaching out with our faith and for fundraising.  However, I think that God meant it for a different purpose for our family.

Psalm 30:11 You have turned my sorrow into dancing. 

Laughing as he would have wanted us to do, we will never be as good a dancers as Reed, but we will definitely laugh while trying. So if you ever need a laugh, just picture Reed doing the old man dance. Trust me, laughter is certainly good for your soul!

15 days to go: the beat goes on

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Many different times I have said that I would give anything to have Reed back, but I wouldn’t give away any of the friendships that have been forged or solidified since his death.  Those type of friendships exist for my children as well.  Some of these friendships have their roots grounded in a commonality of loss.  Sometimes the bonds come from both having connections with Reed, and other times it comes from the shared pain of losing someone close to them.

My kids have bonds with their peers from Faith’s Lodge that will last lifetimes.  And the same goes for a friend of Erin’s.  They were friends before the loss of his grandmother (a dear friend of our family), but they became closer friends after that.  We all knew each other fairly well, but they spent quite a few times just hanging out after her passing.  I believe pain knows pain, and suffering knows suffering.  But healing and refuge also know how to find safe sanctuary.  A safe place to grieve is always a welcome respite.

A by-product of the times they hung out was the discovery that this same friend, Ethon, owns and operates a business with his dad.  During one of o ur visits, he thought it would be a good idea to “pep” things up a bit at Reed’s Run, and he was the man to do it. He was right. As with many of the great ideas at Reed’s Run, we are glad we listened to the kids’ input.   With E&B’s DJ productions, the atmosphere at last year’s Reed’s Run was better than it had ever been.  Again, a friend sees a need and steps up, which is exactly what he did.

Ethon kept the “beat” pumping and by doing so, he kept all of us at the fairgrounds upbeat.  I think it is pretty amazing that through loss, the rhythm of friendship may change patterns, from quiet chimes to a crescendo of tympani, but always it is there keeping a steady beat of love.

We are happy to announce that the beat will continue to go on at this year’s Reed’s Run!

 

 

Sweet 16 (days to go)

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Along the way on our grief journey, our friends have been invaluable in our healing.  They have literally been our cheering section.  The amazing thing is these friends have always been there for us, even when we didn’t know or fess up to how much we needed them.  Yesterday, I mentioned classmates who will be graduating and how part of our decision making centered on them.   We continue to watch from the wings as they learn to spread theirs.

Reed had a diverse group of friends, both in personality and age.  We are excited to see how they will shine in this world. We already see glimpses of their glow in many different ways.  Not the least among those ways is how they consistently love on us, especially in the darkest days.  It seems they have picked up Reed’s encouragement “contagion”.  They share amazing stories and special moments.  They are always there with a hug, a card, an e-mail, or an unexpected visit. These friends share a history not only with Reed as well as being shareholders in keeping Reed’s legacy.  And they have done well.

It was purposeful when we asked these kids (many of whom tower over me now) to be on the Reed’s Run committee.  They bring a vibrant youthful perspective to every decision we make.  This group of friends also has a heart for God.  Even though their expression of faith may all differ, the way they let their lights shine is no less intentional.  And for that we are PROUD, and we know that Reed would be too.

So to: Quinn, Kayla, Jacob, Damien, Nattie, Mallory, Chelsey, Spencer, Cody, Ciara, Jacob, Garett, Taylor, Brent, Lucas, & Garrett

For being a huge part of Reed’s Run and for being an even bigger part of our lives, we thank you for being the Sweet 16.   Thank you for sharing your lives with us and helping us to continue to make our home a place where fun still lives (even if we put holes in walls and have out-of-control ping pong games in the garage).  For keeping inside jokes (like climbing the curtains) or for offering a hand to hold, together we have woven a web of shared love.  Any of you could fill the missing 6th chair at our table, and it would feel just like home!

 

 

17 Days to Go: The Reason Why

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Dear Reed:

It just occurred to me that you would be 17 years old this year, and today is the 17day countdown to the final big day of your run. Isn’t it funny how God works on his timing of ideas?  You gave us a lifetime of memories, and we have chosen several small memories to remember each year at the run.

Our whole focus has been to remember you and what a shining light you were in this world. As time has gone on, our hearts don’t hurt as bad, but that doesn’t mean we miss you less.  I think the reason why is that with each passing day our heart focus for Reed’s Run has been more and more about the God you loved.  And as much as we love you, we realize that this is small beans in comparison to how much God LOVED you and all of us.  That LOVE has helped our hearts to begin to heal.

I think we’ve been asked about a hundred times, why this is the last Reed’s Run.  The reasons are twofold, but we wanted you to know that by not doing the run doesn’t mean we love you or think about you any less.  You would be very proud of the people your friends have grown up to be.  They have blossomed and continued to be people that you would still call friends.  But as graduation approaches, Dad and I wanted them to go out and impact this world (carrying a little piece of you) with each of them.  I know that many of them (as they are half of our committee) would come back if we continued on, but that is not what I want them to do.  So even though we said it in a quiet voice, we meant it when we said, “The run will only last four years. The four years Reed would have been in high school.”

The second and main reason is one that I know you will understand.  I know because you were always a team player and an incredible big brother. Next year, both Sawyer and Erin will be in high school, and if their busyness now is any indication, we are going to be lucky to see them.  I don’t want to miss one minute of what they are doing because I am tied to Reed’s Run work.  I know that you would be right there cheering them on if you could be; so, I will cheer loud enough for the both of us.

I have never lied to you, even in some of life’s big questions like why did you have to have keratoconus.  I just told you that we had to believe that God has a plan.  Even though, I am fully confident that we are doing the right thing with letting the season of Reed’s Run come to an end, I am going to miss many things about the day.  I am probably not going to miss 18 hour days to accomplish all the little details, but I am going to miss the gathering of friends and family.  The hugs, the remembrance, and the honoring of those we admire are big parts of the day for me.

We will still be doing small things here and there to raise dollars for your fund, yet we aren’t sure what that is going to look like.  But whatever we decide to do, it will always involve something that you loved.  So while I am preparing to say good-bye to your run, I am looking forward to more time with the rest of Team Stevens.  And always, ALWAYS, I am looking forward to the day that I get to see you, our babies (my own little welcoming committee) and Jesus.  Where all of y’all can fill me in on what ripples in God’s pond your story had on the lives of others.  Then, I will I have all eternity to listen.

I love you always, Reed!

Mom

 

 

18 Days to Go: My help comes from the Lord

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My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth! (NLT) Psalm 121:2

It would come as no surprise to anyone who has ever put on a big event that Reed’s Run is a ton of work.  Most of the time, I flit about with the adrenaline of an alligator rustler accomplishing one task or another.  This year; however, I have been having bouts of anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed.  I really think that my main issue is that I have poured five years of my life into these four Reed’s Runs and now this is it.

Even though I seem to be accomplishing tasks a little slower than usual, my passion for keeping things rolling hasn’t waned.  This past week, however, God has lead me to verses that have really helped me to remember that all of his promises are true, and that He truly cares for us.  Just tonight as we were preparing for AWANA tomorrow, I was reminded of one of the verses that all my kids have learned.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your worries and cares to God, because He cares for you.  (NLT) 

Each and every day this week, God has reminded me that everything (including Reed’s Run) has a season, and that He has everything under control.  All the to-do lists, the order forms, the financial concerns, the weather, the meetings – EVERYTHING is under His control.  The success of Reed’s Run has less to do with us and more to do with God’s blessings on the event.  Even though Daniel & I and our kids are the keepers of Reed’s legacy, the story ultimately belongs to God – who knew and loved Reed before we even met him.

Today I needed to run an errand at a neighborhood church.  I know the Pastor, and we had a short visit about life and about the nature of the errand.  Being the sweet gentleman that he is, he inquired how Reed’s Run planning was going.  I don’t know what possessed me.  Maybe it is the fact that I was standing in a church talking to a man of God.  I stood there and was completely honest.  I shared with Him about my feelings of anxiety.  With tears, he walked over to his desk and shared what he had just been reading.  He simply picked up his Bible to where it was already open, and shared a verse in the Psalms on anxiety.

Yes, I cried as he moved from the Psalms to Habakkuk 3:17 –  18

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior. (NIV)

I cried even more. But in his gentle way this man reminded me that I had always praised the Lord in the storm so why should these planning days be any different. Even more revealing to my heart, than the sweet intervention on my emotions, was the fact that God had the whole meeting planned in the first place.

In honor of today’s blog, I am posting the official video of the song we have chosen for this year’s Reed’s Run official song. I guess I just needed a reminder of where my hope originates. Thank you, Lord, for giving me eyes to see your presence in all the ways you have helped me this week. My help and hope really did come from the Lord.  But thank you for reminding me in lots of ways that the detail that matters the most is Your Love for all of us!

 

19 days to go: What in the world is a Reed-A-Cheetah?

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He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)

We have always wanted to give back for all the kindnesses shown to us.  Not that we will ever be able to repay all the many blessings bestowed upon us.  We can however pay it forward.  We attempt to do so with the Reed Stevens Legacy Program at Avera McKennan hospital. We wanted to do something at the hospital where Reed died, but we didn’t know how exactly this was going to work. We had already consulted with the staff, and we knew the need existed for siblings who had lost a brother or sister.

We finally came upon an idea, but we would need some help pulling it off.  Thankfully, we have some angels among us in Bruce and Kris Shover and their business Marshall Bowl where they also own a Bear Factory operation.  I called them up in late 2009 with a strange request.  Did they have any cheetahs we could stuff?  Normally, somebody would guffaw, but they didn’t.  However at that time, they did have to tell me that no such animal was available, and they promised as the catalogs change, they would keep their eyes open.

In the meantime, we had formulated an idea of what we would put together if we could ever find cheetahs.  Why the cheetah?  No, it isn’t because Reed-A-Cheetah has a great ring to it – even though it does!  It is because cheetahs were Reed’s favorite animal. We even went to opening day of the cheetah exhibit at the Great Plains Zoo in Sioux Falls.  We made up some professional style baseball cards that have Reed’s picture and read:

Reed Stevens was in 7th grade when he and three friends were killed riding home on their school bus. He was very active in his school, his church, Scouts, and the community. He left behind a family of his dad, his mom, his brother, and two sisters.

Reed’s favorite animal was the cheetah.  Just as cheetahs are extremely rare in nature, so are the relationships that brothers and sisters share.  Recognizing this fact, the Stevens family wanted to remember Reed and to help surviving siblings at Avera McKennan by giving each child a Reed-A-Cheetah. Whenever you snuggle with your cheetah, you will know that 3 other kids know what it is like to miss that special sibling.

We dreamed and we waited.  In late winter 2011, I got a call informing me, indeed, the catalog changed and cheetahs were now available.  But before we could go forward, Bruce and Kris invited us to a Bowling Association event.  We met the most generous people; all of whom helped us pay for the cheetahs. Then for our initial gift of cheetahs, our family along with Bruce and his assistant, Ethan, travelled with 50 cheetahs, stuffing, and Bear Factory; so that we could make the cheetahs in person with these siblings at annual event in memory of children who have passed away at the hospital.  A video of our day is found below.

If our soaring hearts that day were fuel, we all could have flown back to Marshall.  It was an incredible day.  The need still exists, since a friend and I brought down the last shipment at Christmas time.  More are needed.  That is one of the reasons why we have invited (and they have graciously accepted), Marshall Bowl to attend Reed’s Run.  If you purchase a cheetah that day, your loved takes home a cheetah, but a little piece of that purchase goes to a hurting heart receiving a cheetah someday.

Just like cheetahs are rare, so are the friendships who have made this dream a reality. In my heart, I think that is Chee-rrific!

20 Days to Go: The last parade

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This wasn’t what I had planned for today’s blog, but I just felt God had different plans.  For the last four years, our main marketing for Reed’s Run has been local parades.  We have been giving away bubbles, pencils, stickers, beads, informational cards, and magnets.

Every organization has people who go above and beyond and Reed’s Run is no different.  One person for parades has spent the last four years washing her truck, entering our units, and watching diligently to keep everyone safe.  Affectionately known to all of us as the parade queen, Linda was given a tiara by our family to keep the spirit going. One of Reed’s best buddies has been so sweet to bring his refurbished tractor (Grand Champion 4-H project) decked out with Reed magnets to the parades.  Of course, it didn’t hurt that his tractor matched Reed’s favorite color.

I have always loved a good parade, especially the Fiesta Five Flags parade in my hometown of Pensacola, Florida.  But prior to Reed’s Run, I had only been in a couple parades as a kid.  Nothing compares to the warm feelings you get while walking along small town streets.  Seeing the anticipation in the eyes of the little ones waiting for whatever goodie we might have that day was priceless.

I was always blown away when there were the pockets of people who would clap uproariously because they stood behind our mission.  More than once, I cried when we received standing ovations.  It is hard to explain but when we had that type of reception, deep down we knew that our sweet redhead wouldn’t be forgotten.

Over the years, we have participated in many local festival parades.  We were welcomed by the sweet folks of Tyler. We have roasted at Cottonwood’s Coming Days, but we loved every minute of it.  We have partied with Belgian American Days, and we have been embraced by their love.  We have sung a song or two at Marshall’s Sounds of Summer parade, and we even went back to our roots in the St. Patrick’s Day parade.  We have had huge team turnout for the Wood Lake fair parade, but mostly, I think that was because everyone wanted to stay for burgers afterward.  We have enjoyed a labor (day) of love at Tracy, and we always are amazed at the turnout.  Each year’s parade season ends at the place where Reed got his first true snuggly hat, Minneota’s Boxelder Bug Days.  While rivals in school competitions, only love has been shared with our family in real life from the town of Minneota.  Retiring in the town where Huck visits his nursing home friends and having them right at the end of the parade route was simply a divinely, poetic ending.

So it came as quite a shock to me as we loaded up with our parade accoutrement today when I started to sob.  May be it was foreshadowing for the big day and I am more emotional than I think I am, but I really wasn’t prepared for my reaction.  It is only a parade after all.

No, it really isn’t.  It has been a safe place to go and to share about Reed’s Run, but more than that it has been like our family and dear friends have been given a big group hug every step of the parade route. Even today where cyberhugs were coming via facebook from my cousin-in-law. Parades have been encouragement and sanctuary wrapped up into one.  It has been a wonderful place to see just how many people have prayed and cared for us over the years, and for that I am truly THANKFUL.

To the towns of Ghent, Cottonwood, Wood Lake, Tyler, Tracy, Minneota, and Marshall, THANK YOU for the memories.   To our team members, who have walked, hugged, chatted, explained, sacrificed, limped, and laughed with us, THANK YOU for always loving us.

We have been loved in the storm, embraced and supported following the storm, and encouraged each and every candy strewn step of the way. Even though my journey today was filled with tears (and smiles), it was all worth it!