Tag Archives: friendship

What the redbird means to me

Perhaps it was the perfect storm of emotions that left me feeling elated one minute and deeply grieved the next on Sunday, which happened to be my birthday.  I was happy to celebrate with friends and family and was ecstatic that my book is published as I had a book signing in church earlier that day.  But perhaps the sharing of the story of my life and how grief has created its scars left my heart aching for the boy who can no longer be here to give those sneaky come from behind bear hugs.

My book is hopeful and uplifting, but the education of love through loss centers on our son dying at only twelve years old.

I miss him. 

For life’s celebrations, there will always be the empty chair.  On that day, I was riding the high of friends loving my book, but my heart trembled with sadness still because no phone call from college would come from the boy gone too soon.

I’ve been asked a few times about the title of the book – the redbird sings the song of hope: and other stories of love through loss and why I chose that title.  Simply put, the redbird is our love note from God. I am not trying to be cheeky, but the rest of the story is in the book.

But I do know the redbird and a friend helped wipe away the tears of longing of what will never be on Sunday night.

To start the story right, here are two things you must know:

1). I love birds.

2). I have never met a stranger.

Many years ago, a dear friend asked if a friend of hers could come to my house to photograph cardinals.  In one text message her friend (whom I had never met) became my friend.  Bill had fallen on some hard times and he like me discovered solace in the winged friends of God’s creation.  From the moment I met Bill I adored him.  He was genuine, sincere, and oh so real.  I love people who have endured life’s scars and are willing to share them with the world. These are the people who embody hope and I admire them. They give me strength to take the next step and on some days to get out of bed. Our littlest thought he was the greatest guy ever because he has many tattoos and a kind heart and she was enamored with his ink and his realness.

Bill was welcome at our home, or more importantly for his career as a photographer, our backyard any time.  There would be times, he would quietly come and park on the street then set up to photograph the birds in our backyard.  His presence became a staple, and when the timing was right we would quietly ask if he would like to stay for supper. Those were blessed days of hearts intertwining – especially over the redbird  he was so hoping to photograph.

We have remained friends and despite his moving a couple hours away, we stay in contact.  A message here or there and an occasional in person meeting always leaves me wishing for more time.

And yet it was time or rather timing that filled my heart with a birthday greeting that seemed divinely appointed.

Sunday evening, I received a message from Bill not realizing it was my birthday. He sent me a sweet message, remembering the times spent in our backyard, with two of his pictures attached.  My tear filled response thanked him for sending what appeared to be birthday greetings straight from heaven.

birthday-cardinal

birthday-cardinal-2

Both photos used with permission from Bill Van der Hagen

His response filled my heart with such hope and such love. Through tear filled eyes, I told him that he was the messenger of Reed’s birthday greetings for me.

Wow! Happy birthday! Crazy! I walked around for 4 hours with a friend at sunrise and we didn’t get any photos then he left and within 5 minutes the male cardinal was literally sitting 15 feet from me and never left. Closest and most patient they have ever been, the female perched as seen in this photo at about 20 feet.  I knew there had to be a reason for their friendly demeanor this morning.

My friend, Bill, reached out because he was remembering a lovely time in our lives we shared, but I believe that God divinely orchestrated that birding moment.  He put the right person in the right place at the right time and then he stirred my friend’s heart at exactly the right moment to send me a message I so desperately needed as I rode the roller-coaster of joy and sadness.  It was the greatest birthday present ever.

As I write this, my heart is again reeling after learning of the news of the Chattanooga school bus crash.  While I don’t know the depth of their personal pain, I know what it is like to lose your child and to have your children severely injured on a school bus. In an instant, the world changed forever.

Some might wonder how you can survive a pain so deep that the scars will always be a part of your existence. For me, my answer is a whole lot of faith, a bunch of amazing friends, all kinds of prayers, and one redbird singing the song of hope.

redbird

Note: If you live locally, I have copies of my book I would love to sell and personally sign one for you.  Otherwise, my book about my journey through grief and healing (and the redbird’s part in all that) is available thru Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The art of hospitality

I am not with the Welcome Wagon, although I maybe should be. One of the best compliments I have ever received was regarding my hospitality. This alone should aver my qualifications! More than once I have told my pastor that someday my front door will be painted red, a symbol of safe harbor and refuge. Need a place for your children or pets? We’ve got you covered. Need a warm hug, meal, or bed? There’s always room at the inn! Need a cup of sugar, a lawn tool, or a costume for your kids? We love to share. Even in our darkest hour, we have desired to be a place where guests feel comfortable. Moments before we told Sawyer that Reed had died as a result of the bus crash, my sweetie and I made a very conscious decision that our home would continue to be the place where people gathered and felt welcomed. Despite the many and varied differences between our childhoods, this is one COMMONALITY our mothers share. If there is food, beds (or floor space), gas in the car, or an item in need, our mothers would be first to offer assistance. They both passed their hospitality genes onto to their children.

Our love of sharing our home with others has blessed us with amazing friends over the years.

Some years back, we got up one Saturday morning and embarked on a typical weekend activity: a trip to the farmer’s market. On our trip home, a moving truck was parked two doors down, signifying the new neighbors had arrived. After unloading our freshly harvested produce, we headed down the street to greet the new neighbors as they were waiting for our college football team to come and help them unpack. When our friends tell this story, they always share the part when after introducing ourselves we ask if they have any children. They explained they had a 13 year old and 5 year old and were flabbergasted when we said, “We do too, with an 11 year old in the middle.” It was the first time in their lives someone didn’t make a snide or judgmental comment about the age gap. Having a sister who is 14 years younger, I would have never entertained the thought.

We didn’t help them unpack, but we did offer to mow their grass and invited them to the backyard movie night we were hosting later that evening. We have been kindred friends, well, really more like family, ever since. I regularly thank God for moving them in just a few doors down. Ours has been an easy friendship with lots of shared adventures, life’s celebrations, a place of refuge in moments of trouble, and plenty of times of gathered around tables.

But there was this one time . . . when I looked like a crazy person running down the street. While I am not officially the town’s welcoming committee, I did try extremely hard to share with our friends all the best things to see, do, visit, eat, and attend around our town for the first year. All was going well until early October, when I burst into their home looking something like Kramer from Seinfeld.

“OH! MY! WORD! I promise Mrs. O’Leary’s cow did not start the town on fire!” came spewing out, before I could explain our local fire department takes Fire Prevention Week very seriously. Every year on the Wednesday evening of FPW, the fire trucks complete with flashing lights and sirens blaring drive up and down every (and I mean EVERY) street in town as a reminder to practice Operation E.D.I.T.H. (Exit Drills In The Home).

My sweet friend had seen the trucks as she drove our Sister and her daughter home from swim practice. As the hurrah made it to our side of town, I jumped up from the dinner table, yelling, “I have to warn the neighbors.” Suddenly, it hit me I forgot to warn them about this time-honored town tradition. Although my entrance was comical, my friends were somewhat concerned about what was going on.

Maybe my dereliction of duty is why I have never been extended an invitation to perform official Welcome Wagon duties. Whatever the reason for this egregious oversight every year about this time; two families have a pretty good laugh!

Our town's fire department is pretty hospitable too! Reed was the first young man to have his birthday party at the Fire Hall.

Our town’s fire department is pretty hospitable too! Reed’s 4th birthday party was at the Fire Hall.

Special Note: If your family does not have a plan to escape in the event of fire, today is the perfect day to plan and practice one. Know your escape routes, practice fire safety with your children, and have a meeting place. We have crawled through windows. We have practiced not going back to get our family pets if conditions are not safe; no matter how heartbreaking that would be. We have felt for hot doors, and planned alternative routes, working to get out safely and meet at our designated gathering spot. If you happen to be in our town on Wednesday, you will see us at the mailbox, and then you will hear a whole of lot of “remember when Mom ran down the street”. Now that’s the stuff that makes memories!

Roses from Heaven

pink-roses-8dIn the days while we were waiting for the phone call that could change EVERYTHING for our family – again, I was preparing for an amazing speaking opportunity. My local newspaper hosts an annual event, Exceptional Women of Southwest Minnesota, and I was asked to be the speaker for the evening. After working with the organizers, I chose taking care of you as the theme of my address. I shared I was downright giddy at being asked because I was very familiar with last year’s speaker. I follow her work, and it felt like big shoes to follow. To say the least, it was a huge honor for me. I will confess I wasn’t quite ready for the marketing campaign for the event as every other day the paper had my picture and just about every business I went into had a poster with me staring back at myself.

Some days I just felt unworthy of all that attention because the beautiful polished photograph of me looked back at the no make-up, hair pulled into a ponytail, clad in workout clothes version of me. Many friends and neighbors gave me such positive encouragement, even despite my efforts to deflect all the attention. I was consistently asked one question before, during, and after the event, “Do you get nervous when speaking?”.

The honest and simple answer is I don’t, but for this event, I poured my heart into my thoughts and preparations because of the significance of the evening. Our small town paper, the Marshall Independent, not only hosts this event, but they also share with their subscribers and readers excerpts of the nomination letters as well as thoughts from the nominees themselves. I was truly humbled to read what these amazing, incredible, and well . . . EXCEPTIONAL women were doing in our community. Their stories made me smile, brought me to tears, and generally inspired me to learn of all the ways they were giving back. Every nominee’s story touched my heart profoundly. For these women, I prayed in the days leading up to the event. I prayed God would give me the right blend of wisdom and stories to encourage them to invest in themselves because without them there would be huge holes left in our communities.

As usual with every time I go off (or stay home) and speak, following the event there was a big line of those who want to hug me. I savor every word of their story, relish in every smidgeon of encouragement, and covet every prayer. Telling our family’s story in an honest, raw, and, at times, humorous way, is draining, but if sharing helps one person do anything better, I will do it every chance I get.

After all the hugging and story swapping, I went home to take a day or two to reflect on all that goodness and let’s be honest, worry that the phone call I was waiting on might not be the one I wanted to hear. When the call finally came in, I hit my knees in praise and adoration, before I cried for all those who wouldn’t receive good news. Then I got up to tackle some cleaning in preparation for our upcoming graduation party. Only the girls and I were home when the doorbell rang.

As soon as I opened the door, I had a huge smile on my face (which for the record was not made-up and my hair in a messy bun). On the front step was one of the nominees, holding a vase with some roses. I quickly invited her in and was completely blown away with the message she came to share.

This sweet new friend is a business owner and when she woke up to start her day at her family owned operation, she noticed something amiss in the parking lot. She rises really early to make sure that all her customers’ needs are met. When she ducked out in the darkness to check on the odd sight, he husband accompanied her for safety. They discovered a broken vase of roses that had been left on the pavement. Quickly cleaning up the glass and retrieving the roses, they returned to the busyness of their morning routine. Finding a replacement vase, she placed the flowers by her kitchen sink and got busy doing the dishes. As she finished that chore and went on to tackle others, her eyes kept being drawn to various words of inspiration. Two in particular kept drawing her in. Those words were “peace” and “family”. Eventually, she felt that God was bringing her close to those words. After a few hours of this repeated drawing near, she knew that God’s message was persistent. She announced to her husband, “those flowers aren’t for me, but I know who they are for”.

I can only imagine his perplexed look as she shared that she thought they were from a red-headed boy. Now here she stood on my doorstep, long-distance roses in hand. Tears quickly pooled in my eyes as she lovingly showed me how the one rose had to have fallen from quite a height in order to have the small indentation that it had on its side.

She couldn’t stay long, but her thoughtfulness and caring lingered for days. I did need that message more than she could have ever known. The sweet messenger was simply God’s instrument of love that day, and for that I love her. I don’t really know how the flowers ended up in the parking lot, but for me they will always be the roses from heaven.

7 days: and just like that

Yesterday’s post wasn’t meant to be marching orders, but somehow God knew I was going to have a rough night. During the day when my emotions get the best of me, I lay down for a nap to ease my racing thoughts. Generally, naps are a miracle tonic for me providing refreshment, rejuvenation, and a calmer spirit. When people quip about how much I do in a day exhausts them, I always say the secret to my success is taking naps.

Last night had a combination of things go wrong, but the fact that I drank a Coke at eight o’clock probably did not help anything. For me, nighttime is the enemy’s playground. All my worst fears play out as nightmares and my old (looking for joy has really helped curbed this) habit of worrying until I made myself physically sick generally happen under the cloak of darkness. Sadness, fear, worry, doubt, guilt, and second guessing all sneak out from the under the bed or hide behind the closet doors, waiting to pounce once the sun goes down.

In the days following the crash, nightmares would have seemed like child’s play compared to the almost hallucinogenic night terrors we endured every night. I don’t believe in self-medicating, but if there had been some type of coma inducing sleep medicine we could have taken as a family, I would have signed on the dotted line. Personally, I clung to the shortest Bible verse in existence. Jesus wept. John 11:35 (NIV) There were only two things that made sense – we are strong and we will get through this.

Time and time again, friends, family, and sometimes strangers beat the drum to help us rally through tough moments. After turning out the lights last night, the familiar rhythmic beat of love started pounding. Lying in bed, the familiar ding and flashing blue light told me a text message had come in. For more than an hour, I poured my heart out to a friend who knew I needed someone to listen. Her gentle message was one of hope and encouragement not only for me, but also for one of my peeps.

The remainder of the night was spent in fits and spurts of sleep alternated with dichotomous thoughts of staying in bed or just getting up and doing something. It wasn’t sadness and despair, but simply a lot of ruminating thoughts I needed to accomplish. While too much caffeine was also a contributor, I think I just needed time to reflect and talk to God.

After my morning routine, I decided to check my emails, and just like that, God once again nudged someone to reach out and touch my heart. A dear friend who moved to half way around the world wanted me to know that Reed’s light mattered. She had recently reminded me of this in an another message, but this morning I woke up to three pictures she had stumbled across of a magical day that we had spent at her place. In the blink of an eye, I was transported back to the day of gentle blowing breezes, the river light-heartedly lapping at its banks, sunlight dappling through spring green leaves, and air punctuated by a million questions from my children.

Bliss! Pure bliss was the gift she gave me today. Her three snapshots were my modern day gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Reed’s light is shining through her heart too! What a wonderful reminder that God’s word is emphatically true. . .

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. Psalm 30:5

The day we made fairy gardens was one of the most magical days!

The day we made fairy gardens was one of the most magical days!

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On this last photo, I can almost hear my Granddaddy whisper from heaven, "Sister, get her hair out of her eyes."

On this last photo, I can almost hear my Granddaddy whisper from heaven, “Sister, get her hair out of her eyes.”

A grandpa’s heart is this big!

I make a small notation in my journal whenever I get an idea for a blog post. Today’s post is one that I have ruminated over for quite some time. Part of my hesitation has been that although my life is my story, I would never intentionally want to hurt someone else – especially not when they are on their own grief journey.

The blog posts that come to fruition are often ones that I have thought about for days, sometimes weeks. Along the way, the words just come together or I receive confirmation (like manna from heaven) that” indeed!” I was meant to write the sentences swirling in my head. Many times my own emotions are enough slow me down before I put pen to paper (or in this case, fingers to keyboard).

This morning after devotions and time spent with God, I checked in on my friends and saw this video. Needless to say, I was moved to tears. And almost as if, God whispered, I knew it was time to share this story.

My last post was a tender story of an adopted grandma and how special she was in my life.  I never really had an adopted grandpa. My children; however, have a different story. If you take anything away from this post, I hope it is this message. Children need loving people in their lives. I am so thankful that some families share (even though to many it would seem unnatural to welcome another family into their own).   My life and the lives of my children have been blessed in countless ways because others made the sacrifice of opening the hearts to love intentionally.

Over the years, this grandpa just sort of assimilated my girls into his life because two of his actual grandchildren are their classmates. His daughter (their mom) has gone from acquaintance to closest confidante. We have had the joy of getting to know them all through our mutual kids’ activities. Many laughs have been shared. But mostly, many hours have been spent watching our kids grow up together.

Due to geographical constraints and the fact that I never finished working on that time travel machine, both sets of my children’s grandparents are not able to attend every concert or ball game. I am so thankful that technology continues to make advancements, because for the first time ever, distance grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were able to “attend” those milestone events in their own homes via live-streaming.

But back here at home, my kiddos never felt completely neglected, because they soon discovered that a grandpa’s heart has more than enough room to encourage them all. Grandpa G always complimented them after games and concerts, making sure to point out a few things that he liked the best. To them, it has always felt that they had someone extra special in their corner.

Both Grandpa G and Grandma J have had their fair share of helping transport all the kiddos to various things. A natural by-product was for my girls to have special stories of time spent with them. These are their favorite ones.

When Cloie sang the National Anthem at a high school basketball game, there was Grandpa G with tears in his eyes in the stands. She was touched to know that her performance meant that much to him, even if she still thinks that all the applause is because people love America that much.

Over this past winter, there was an incident that touched my heart and solidified confirmation that love extends and overflows from a grandpa’s heart.

After earning her place on the varsity basketball team along with Grandpa G’s granddaughter, Erin, a freshman, made the front page of the sports section with a great shot. Even though the team had a devastating loss the night before, we thought the picture might perk her up. It did . . . until we read the caption, which listed not her name but one of the senior captains instead. It became a joke in our family, but it wasn’t so funny to Grandpa G.

Apparently he called his daughter at work because he was hopping mad. Her version of the story had me both in giggles and tears, because he didn’t really let her get a word in edgewise.

Did you see the paper?

Well, what in the mayo? (Okay, his version was more colorful than mayonnaise.)

I am so mad. Did you see what they did to Erin?

She has worked so hard, and they couldn’t get her blasted name right.

I’m thinking of calling them and letting them know what a horrible job they did.

Horrible, just horrible.

The giggles part came from the fact that my friend thought her dad needed to calm down, and the tears from the fact that someone other than us cared that much.

Usually I am the one who has no problems standing up and sharing at funerals and memorial services, but for some reason, I just couldn’t get the words out the day we remembered Grandpa G. His passing was so unexpected. You would think that I do unexpected well, given our family’s story. But I don’t. Even though, I wanted to share the story of how much that newspaper mix-up meant to me, I didn’t. Losing him was just too big a wound (and we were only bit players in his life).

It is never too late to make a difference in someone’s life. Take the time to be genuine in loving a child. Make time for them. Notice the areas where they excel and encourage them in the ones they don’t. Or take a page from G’s book, and just show up. It matters. It always matters!

To his family – thank you for sharing him with us. If heaven has access to this blog, thank you Grandpa G for always having room enough to love my kids!

Just of few of the girls loved by one special Grandpa!

Just of few of the girls loved by one special Grandpa!

Strength Revisited

A few years back, we wanted to impress upon our sports-loving kids that the game officials needed to be acknowledged. Even though we don’t always agree with their calls (okay you can stop snickering now), we wanted our kids to understand those folks in the stripes gave up time with their own families to benefit them. Our children’s job was to personally walk over and thank the officials at the conclusion of every game. It took a few times before that became a habit. I am proud to say that many of their teammates now follow suit. When my kids first started doing that, many of the officials were stunned. Creating a spirit of good sportsmanship, a hand shake or high five was just a small acknowledgement, but it went a long way. As time wore on, those methods of thanks were replaced with Howie Mandel’s ubiquitous fist bump, lovingly referred to as knuckles around our house.

Over the course of the last week, I wrote a reflective blog on my perceived strength and another that bared my soul regarding my personal grief journey. Grief ebbs and flows, and we have many good days. Every once in a while, at obvious times like last Wednesday, but just as often at seemingly random moments, the grief “monster” will rear his ugly head. Writing allows me to acknowledge the monster, and then as if almost by magic, with each word written, the monster loses his power. By releasing my emotions, God allows my storms to calm. For that, I will always be grateful.

Another thing that God has provided in my journey is amazing, loving, caring, forgiving, and understanding friends. Only a handful of them know what I am about to share, and I refer to them as my inner sanctum, the refuge where I can be me.

I have always bristled when someone has remarked about my strength or faith. In those previous two blogs, hopefully, you can somewhat understand why I don’t always see strength when the scars on my broken heart are still so raw. So I was astounded when one in the inner circle made the “strength” remark at a 4H potluck, our annual Christmas party, (always held in January).

As soon as the words were uttered, I said, “Can we just put this nonsense to rest?”. Eyes bewildered, everyone at the table stared in disbelief. Quickly, I shared a story that had all eyes looking at our table.

This is that story . . .

The first Christmas without Reed was just plain agonizing. My beloved Nanny had given us money as a gift with the stipulation that we should go and do something together as a family. We decided to spend New Year’s Day doing something most of us find therapeutic. Notice I said most of us, my sweetie would probably rather have listened to nails on a chalkboard, but he was a good sport and went with us to a paint your own pottery studio.

We painted and glazed and used every ounce of creativity we could muster. Our thoughts never lingered far away from the hole in our hearts. Putting on a brave front,  we tried to go through the motions.

Once our pieces were finished, it was time to make the hour and half trip back home. A quick glance at my watch told me that we could still hit, “Happy Hour”! I know what you are thinking. She took her kids to get half-priced drinks. What kind of mother is she?

Well, she is one that loves a good deal and an even better limeade! I steered that mini-van to the closest Sonic where we loaded up on our favorite beverages for the road. At this point in our healing journey, we were still dealing with night terrors, heavy doses of medications, wheelchairs, and daily hospital visits for therapies. Exhaustion came easily.

Every single person in the van was sound asleep by the time we made it from the speaker to the drive-thru window. So I could have kept this story to myself and only one other person would have EVER KNOWN.

In my defense, I was as equally tired as my passengers, but as the driver I didn’t have the luxury of a nap.

As soon as I reached the window, I knew we were in trouble. Seriously, how hard is it to make 3 milkshakes and 2 limeades when those items are the bread-n-butter of your franchise? Apparently the answer to that question is a LONG time.

That will be $6.30.

In one swift motion, I handed him my debit card.

Then he walked away, not to be seen again for quite some time. Impatiently, I sat there long enough that I could have milked a cow and squeezed the limes myself. Then, through the window came the first milkshake. Chocolate, and lots of it, was literally dripping down the side of the cup.

Perturbed and exhausted, my response to a lap full of cacao and dairy was an eye roll and, “Um! Napkins???” said with a tone of exasperation.

Oh yeah. Here.

This was, of course, said with about as much enthusiasm as if I had asked him if he wanted to clean the clog in my bathroom sink.

Another really long wait before he handed me two limeades. I wish I could tell you that this was a better experience. It, however, was not –  as these too had as much carbonated beverage on the outside as in. Thank goodness when he gave me napkins earlier he had given half of the dispenser.

On a positive note, it was Sonic and not Subway; so, I am not really complaining about the extra napkins.

Then there was the equally awkward moment of silence when I didn’t drive away immediately. At this point, my-I-hope-for-his-sake-trainee frankly looked irritated that I just sat there.

With my best one eye eyebrow raise, I proffered, “Perhaps I could have my debit card and receipt.”

His look of shock was almost worth this ridiculous adventure. I could see him shimmy to the till nearly knocking over one of the carhops.

He came back with my debit card and receipt. Now, I could have just driven off, but I am hopeless when it comes to misplacing things. I purposely took the few seconds to actually return those items to their proper spots in the black hole, I mean, my purse. Just as I was getting ready to roll up the window, I saw his outstretched fist out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head just in time to hear him say, “Hey. Hold up!”

Knowing full well, I had everything I ordered, my debit card, and don’t forget enough extra napkins to host a dinner party, I just shrugged my shoulders and did what anyone would do in this situation.

For a fleeting second, I thought, “Well this is different”, but I am all for making peace when I can.

Fingers curled . . . I gave my new found “friend” a fist bump.

A barely perceptible smirk crawled across his lips.

Well, that was nice and all, but here’s your mints.

Even the so-called strong have their moments.

With tears of laughter rolling down my cheeks, I laughed the entire way home, and it had been a long time since I had laughed like that.

Wonder Twins Power: Activate – Sonic Dude!

Photo found at www.returntomanliness.com

Photo found at www.returntomanliness.com

And to you my dear friends: Knuckles to you!

The Sisterhood

As I have shared on this blog before, I have a way of collecting friends.  Recently, someone asked me about my love of moose, and before I answered the question, I blurted out, “Don’t buy me any, I don’t want to dust them”!  The great thing about collecting friends is I never have to dust them.  E.V.E.R. That’s a good thing because I am allergic to dust.  Of course, like most people, I have the inner sanctum of friends,  those girlfriends that know my heart and my struggles, and they love me anyway.  This is partly their story.

I have those friends that I see only once in a while, but I cherish each moment I share with them.  I also have friends whom I have never met.  Some are the modern day version of pen pals, and others are people that I have done business with over the years.

Today’s confession, I mean, story is about one of those friends.  For her sake, she shall be called X.  (For all you math lovers, X is getting some love today.) X is a wonderful woman who over the years I would have called acquaintance until a certain EVENT solidified her place in my Hall of Friends.  Hey! If the Super Friends can have a Hall, so can I!

X is a seamstress – well more precisely – Teddy Bear Maker Supreme.  I am awed and amazed by her work, but more so, humbly grateful.  A friend of a friend told me about her work.  She put her life’s grief into action by epitomizing the verse “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 (NLT)

She makes teddy bears out of the clothes of loved ones who have passed away.  Magically, she transformed our first Christmas without Reed into one where we were able to “hug him” again.  Over the years, I have probably grown into one of her biggest customers and fans.

I loved her work, her gentle nature, and her excellent service, but this past year, I fell in love with her sense of humor.

Brace yourselves, dear readers, because it is confession time up in here.

Normally, I am the buyer of the bears, but last spring, I was simply the middle man.  A dear friend of ours asked me to order a set a bears made from his wife’s wedding dress.  You want me to do what? Does she know about this? Are you crazy?

He said his wife didn’t know as this was to be a surprise.  He relayed how the dress had been in a storage unit they were clearing out and how she said just get rid of it. Okay girls, that might be what she said, but is that really what she meant? 

He gave me his money and gift certificate (purchased at Reed’s Run), and went on his merry way.  How do I get myself into these things??? No way, am I cutting up someone else’s wedding dress without her permission.  What in the world am I going to do about this???

So I didn’t do anything for a long time.  The dress sat in a storage tote in my garage forever.  My friend finally harassed, I mean, asked enough that I broke down and sent it.  I explained to X that there were special circumstances as the family had recently gone through some horrific life events, but the order was for bride and groom bears.

Apparently, X, had the same thoughts as me, because immediately upon arrival I received an e-mail.

Are you sure that they want to cut into this wedding dress? Just checking to make sure, but I really hope they do because I have wanted to make bears out of a wedding gown for a long time. 

I assured her they did.

Later that night, I received perhaps the most embarrassing e-mail of my life.

Just checking in.  Also, within the wedding dress box was an animal print bra…was that to be used also as an accent or just got there by mistake?

As I sat at my computer that spring evening reading this e-mail, I am certain that I showed hues of assorted reds that would rival the hidden fabric stash of any of my quilting friends.  Oh dear Lord, please just take me now.  How do I explain what really happened here?  Accompanied with: So that is where that bra ended up!

One of my best friends always says, “I had on my 18 hour bra, and those 18 hours are up”, and that is my only defense.  I hate dirt – in my house – and as a girl who prides herself in digging in the dirt most every day in the summer; daily I am faced with the colossal decision of how to solve that problem.

My solution is one that I no longer think is ingenious.  Leave a towel hanging in the garage, strip down to what God gave me, and run like crazy to the shower.  That plan had worked real well  . . . until now.  Not to mention that the bra in question is a hand-me-down. There I said it! One in the inner sanctum lost a bunch of weight and passed on her secrets – literally as in Victoria’s – to me.  Only of course, there is a much bigger story there as well.  Maybe I will share that one someday, but right now, how does a sweet little Christian momma end up mailing a va-va-voom bra with a wedding dress to a pseudo stranger?

I finally summoned the courage to respond.  If X didn’t offer a commodity that I adored, I might have just “dropped” off the face of the planet.  I pulled from the last shred of dignity I had and went with humor.

Hey X!  Right about now, I am a hundred shades of embarrassed.  I have no idea on how the bra went travelling.  We’ve been doing a major house cleaning and paring down of clutter.  Is it cheetah print? If so, then it is mine, and the embarrassment meter went through the roof.  Either it slipped into the box or decided it was time to go on a road trip.

Her response a little later in the evening, let me know that she didn’t think I was a total nut.

Yes, it is a black and gray cheetah, thanks for ending my evening with laughter.  I will be sure and send it back with the bears.

This was a good thing because I can live with being thought of as a kook, but I did not want to have to find a new purveyor of custom made bears. Before I went to bed, I sent her back a little message.

X -I am so glad you have a good sense of humor.  Someday I will have to tell you the story of that bra.  When my friend hears this, she is going to crack up because she is a part of the story of my personal mortification on how I came to own the bra.

To tell the truth, I almost peed my pants at the thought of the bra being a part of the accessory packet.

Definitely smiling now

And so it went it.  X made the bears and sent them back to my house as part of the surprise.  I let our friend know they had arrived, but never opened the box.  I felt they were his to open.  The bears sat wrapped in the box waiting for their upcoming anniversary.

The day of the pick-up, I was not at home when our friend arrived.  My husband called and asked me about them.  I explained they were in the box in the living room.  Daniel opened the box, pulled out two bears, and discovered a most mysterious package at the bottom.

Thank the good Lord that he gave my husband a good head on his shoulder.  I could hear the perplexity in his voice when we called me back within minutes.

Hey Kan, we found the bears, but there is something here about a travelling bra? Am I supposed to give that to him too?

I am certain that they could have heard my response in South Dakota.  Oh dear heavens, will this never end? Imagine if he hadn’t called me, and I sent anniversary gift of lingerie to this poor woman – not in her size!

When I returned home later that evening, I found the unusual package in the bottom of the mailing box.

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X solidified her friendship with me by celebrating my ridiculous faux pas – complete with its own label and packaging.

With friends like these . . . life can definitely get interesting!

 

Thank you, Eunice Shriver

Over the weekend, my entire family had the honor to serve together at the Fall Games for the Unified Flag Football for Minnesota Special Olympics.  Sadly, I had never experienced any Special Olympics events other than attending fundraisers.  Boy – have I been missing out!

If you don’t know anything about Special Olympics, I really encourage you to visit www.specialolympics.org to learn more.  For the speedy answers, the games are designed to encourage inclusion of athletes who have intellectual disabilities in the world of sports.  These amazing kids and adults, in my opinion, have other-abilities.  Those abilities include loving like no one else, brightening a room, reminding us relationships are more important than material things, and the ability to be comfortable in our own skin. There is nothing “dis” about them or their influence in this world. As a teacher, I have seen individuals soar in the classroom, but this weekend I was able to see them excel in the athletic world.

Faith – family – football

That is our family motto which aptly describes the order of our family’s priorities.  It is the third one that landed us in West St. Paul, Minnesota over the weekend to cheer on two great flag football teams. Last year, a beloved “uncle and aunt” heard that the flag football program was expanding and was in need of an extra coach.  Uncle Sheldon recommended our boy wonder, and from the first practice, he was hooked.

We weren’t able to attend last year due to exhaustion because the games were hosted the day following the final Reed’s Run.  I remember the pride in my son’s face when he returned late that evening telling us of how they pulled together and earned second place.  That sense of accomplishment and joy carried over into an essay he wrote detailing an example of leadership of which he was most proud.  A lump caught in my throat reading his descriptive words.

As time will do, it marched on. With a blink of an eye, it was time again for the flag football practices to begin.  Vaguely in the recesses of my memory, I recalled a message from our regional director that it would be great if we had cheerleaders this year.

Adding a new spring in my step, I helped organize our cheer team whose ages ranged from three to eight.  We learned cheers and routines, and decided that no matter what the end product looked like, we would have fun. Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader!  My rah-rah! spirit came back to the surface as I sewed glitter tutus, ordered t-shirts, sewed/constructed a banner for the team to run through, found a mascot costume and ordered pompoms.  With those adorable cuties to cheer them on,  any team would be successful!

A few members of the Puma Cheer Team!

A few members of the Puma Cheer Team!

From the moment we arrived until the final awards ceremony, I was awed by the spirit of these games. Our entourage of athletes, unified partners, coaches, tiny cheerleaders and family members was a merry band of sportsmanship and friendship.  I can only imagine this was exactly what Eunice Shriver envisioned when she helped to create the Special Olympics.

From touchdown runs and “flag tackles” by childhood friends to amazing interceptions by new ones, the Pumas did our community proud.  To hear adults tell my son that he was one of the classiest coaches in this league brought tears to my eyes.  (The unsolicited comment was given because he refused to run up the score on a team they competed against.)

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It was a spirit of camaraderie and revelry as the Pumas marched the “lane of champions” to receive their gold medals.  They were humble and even had to be coaxed to give a “Number 1” signal for pictures.

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Our family left the games with huge smiles on our faces and hearts filled with an awe of all we had witnessed. Special Olympics is the best of the best of athletic events.  P-E-R-I-O-D! Everyone is encouraged and supported, and more importantly, around each corner was a potential new friend. We were honored to share in this year’s games.  As we drove home, talk centered upon we could do next year.

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It was at that moment I remembered something Reed had said the morning after playing in the 7th/8th grade Super Bowl game, the last football game of his life.

“Only 364 more days until I get to do that again!”

We couldn’t have said it any better!

Taking a deep breath

Growing up, our family did two things almost without fail. Both followed other anchors in my life, as if that was that natural order in our home.  Following basketball games, we often went out with other coaches’ and team members’ families for dessert.  My standard order was hot fudge cake at Shoney’s.  That succulent tower of chocolate cake, ice cream, fudge and whipping cream is still my all-time favorite dessert. The second thing we did rather dependably followed Sunday morning services.  We went to eat at a local restaurant, known as The Varsity.  Growing up, I didn’t much appreciate this second one, because I wanted to go eat at some hip cool fast-food restaurant rather one that served good ol’ Southern cooking.  At that time in my life, I wanted to venture on the edge of dining, and not be stuck in deeply entrenched ruts. Right now (older and wiser), I wish The Varsity was still open, and I could force (I mean, take) my kids to eat there.

There are several things that I vividly remember about both of those old hang outs.  First and foremost, each time we went there I was surrounded by people who loved Jesus (and who loved us).  I don’t know that I can adequately describe that feeling.  Growing up the way I did, there is just something about Southern people who love Jesus.  They have an air to them – full of life, hearty talks, and bellies full from all the tables piled with food. It’s true what the Bible says about Christians having an aroma.  Then and now, my soul senses want to soak up every molecule.   Another thing that defines those memories is the ease of Southern hospitality.  I miss “Yes ma’am’s” and “No sir’s”, and I really miss being called, “Shug or Honey” by just about everyone, including the waitress.  Formal rituals dot every rhythm of society in those memories, but yet those rhythms come with ease.  Finally laughter punctuates every memory. Next to salvation and creation, I think laughter was one of God’s finest masterpieces.

The flavor of my childhood is not something I experience often these days.  It’s not that I live among heathens who also happen to be curmudgeons.  Quite the opposite, I live among wonderfully vibrant and caring people (who also love Jesus and who love to laugh), but that Southern hospitality (and sometimes craziness) is seldom found in my neck of the woods.

Following my talk to the sweetest bunch of Sunday school ladies ever, a group of us decided to high tail it over to the Cracker Barrel for lunch.  There were six of us at our table, but seated at the table directly behind us were fellow worshippers from that morning.  We created such ruckus at our table that one gentleman from the other asked if he could be re-seated  . . . with us . . . because we were having too much fun.  His proclamation reminded me so much of some of Granddaddy’s friends that I wanted to jump up and hug him.

I shared both laughter and tears with sweet Miss C. Love her!

I shared both laughter and tears with sweet Miss C. Love her!

I’ve eaten at Cracker Barrels from Florida to South Dakota, but that day surrounded by new sisters is one I will remember.  A biscuit is a biscuit no matter where you eat it; so, it wasn’t the food that made the lunch memorable.  It was the essence. There were stories swapped, tears shed both in laughter and in awe of God’s amazing grace in trials of life. There were hands held and prayers shared.

Somewhere in that crowded restaurant, God reminded me that the things longed for  aren’t always  that far away because I took a deep breath and inhaled the precious air of my childhood.

Oh the cardinal!

The morning I arrived in Kentucky, I was whisked to a cool, dark soccer field.  Still groggy from my three in the morning pick-up at the train station, my sweet friend opened the locker room to allow me to freshen up.  I spent the next two hours huddled under a blanket (who knew it would be that cool in Kentucky?) watching one of the most motivational coaches I know work with her soccer team.  (And that is a pretty big compliment coming from this coach’s daughter.)

While shivering, oops I mean, sitting, my ears heard the song of an old familiar friend.  Somewhere hidden in the trees surrounding the field was one of our favorite songbirds – the messenger of hope to our family – the cardinal.  I had to smile because I was listening to the red bird’s melodious song while watching the preseason practice of the “Lady Cardinals”.

Joy – pure, unadulterated joy – filled my soul and spirit as I took the field to share with those darling girls what it means to create a legacy.  The reason for my happiness was simple. Among the foliage was a little piece of home.

Later at breakfast, I shared with Coach B of how God (and in our hearts, Reed) sent the songbird in one of our  darkest hours.  She, like many others who have heard the story, was moved by the cardinal coming at exactly the moment when we needed him the most.   I am sure that our server (another one of my sweet Kentucky sisters) was wondering what in the mayonnaise was going on at that table. We did create quite a ruckus praising God for his sense of humor of putting a cardinal lover together with a coach of the cardinals.

After breakfast, it was time to head over to the B&B to rest and relax.  Upon stepping out of the car, I was taken by the beauty of the inn, the sounds of the South, and the smells reminiscent of my childhood.  My eyes were drawn to the front porch lined with inviting rockers.  I knew I would be spending every chance I got right there.

The front porch at the Woodford Inn

The front porch at the Woodford Inn

A flash of red appeared in the corner of my eye.  Immediately, I knew what was happening.  For me, that is a God sighting – when he allows the red bird to remind me I am loved.  I couldn’t help myself, but I began to hit Coach B on the arm.  I am certain that she thought I had lost my marbles.  I had only “known” her for 7 hours, and here I was smacking her to grab her attention.

Photo found at wunderground.com Credit given to cshirsch

Photo found at wunderground.com Credit given to cshirsch

All I had to do was point to the corner of the porch, and she understood.  Honestly, hitting her was my only option because I couldn’t speak.  The lump in my throat was that big.  God called me to this place, and like that moment five years ago, he sent “Reedy” to tell me that all of this was a part of his bigger plan.

With tears in my eyes, I couldn’t help but smile that the young man I shared in my legacy story earlier that morning was “present” in the red wings of God’s love.

 

 

 

For those unfamiliar with our family’s story, below is the wording from the card we had made for Christmas in 2008.

The cardinal is a beautiful bird with gorgeous red plumage and an equally inviting song.  There is an old legend that says that the cardinal was once a white bird, in fact as white as snow.  The cardinal came to the cross on Calvary’s hill and sang to Jesus at the base of his cross.  The cardinal sang with all its might to his Maker and Master. During his song, Jesus’ blood dripped onto his feathers, and henceforth the male cardinal has been his brilliant red color.

As many of you know, our children have received a bird Christmas ornament every year. Each of the children receives a different bird that has some significance to their lives. Reed received the blue jay because he loved to watch the blue jays eat sunflowers outside his bedroom window.  Sawyer has the cardinal after he received a gift from his godparents that had a cardinal on it, and he loved it.  Erin has the chickadee, because Kandy was so excited to have a little “chick” in the house.  Cloie gets the American goldfinch for while pregnant with her a goldfinch came to the family’s feeders for the first time. Each of the children’s birds had visited our feeders except for the cardinal.  No matter how many different ways we tried, we just couldn’t lure a cardinal to our backyard.

Then the most unspeakable horror happened to our family.  We were deep in the midst of our grief when the most improbable and impossible thing occurred. Exactly one month following Reed’s death, a male cardinal landed in our backyard tree (with no feeders filled), and he started singing the most beautiful song our ears could hear.  But it took the faith of a young man to realize that a miracle was happening.  Sawyer realized the red bird was a message from Reed to tell us that he is doing just fine in Jesus’ arms. See Reed knew exactly which bird to have Jesus send to get our attention.  He also knew how deeply hurt Sawyer was at that point in our journey, and he knew which bird would be the one, above all other birds, Sawyer needed to see.  (It probably didn’t hurt that he sent a bird that was his favorite color.) Well, some may call it coincidence, but we choose to

Believe in Miracles!