Tag Archives: legacy

Happily ever after and once upon a time

On a flight from Minneapolis to Orlando, the onboard movie kept cutting in and out, much to the frustration of all who were trying to watch it. After many different stops and starts, all viewers were able to finally watch a good chunk of the movie until the pilot announced that it was time for our final descent, thus we would not be able to finish the movie. To hopefully soothe some ruffled feathers, he joyfully announced, “I am sorry ladies and gentlemen that we will be unable to show today’s movie, Dear John, to the end. Let’s just say the boy gets the girl, and they all live happily ever after.” Since I was only half-heartedly watching (or attempting to watch in between praying for my life and squeezing the blood out of my husband’s hand because this was a flight back before Freedom Day), I didn’t care much about the ending, concentrating much more on what survival skills I might need to employ should anything go wrong.

All that energy spent on worrying about nothing. I had already lived through my worst nightmare, and at that point was still daily living with its aftershocks of medications and therapy visits. Sometimes, I look back and wonder why I wasted so much of my energy on all that worrying, often missing the joy of some of the best blessings I have ever received. The greatest of those has been the friends who have come along on our journey and who have loved our family in incredible ways.

One of those dear friends found us through Caring Bridge. She was a two-time survivor of thyroid cancer, a prolific supporter of those battling other illnesses and injuries, a prayer warrior extraordinaire, an avid outdoorswoman, and champion to returning soldiers and their families. Just writing this, I am amazed at all she could accomplish in a day. She befriended our family while Sawyer was still a patient at St. Mary’s hospital in Rochester, a tireless friend and encourager who would daily post our prayer requests on her webpage. Having never met in person, she helped orchestrate for our family to be guests at a Minnesota Twins game. We asked her to join us, because she we really wanted to meet her.

From our first moment together, our kids were smitten with the dynamo, they quickly named their “Auntie Stacy”. Over the years, we had other times we would get together, where she would prove that “auntie” was the perfect title. Very few know this, but it was she who gave us the inspiration for the Reed-A Cheetah program, buying the very first Reed-A Cheetah at the Mall of America’s Build-A-Bear workshop. She encouraged our kiddos’ interests, and even went so far as to ask them to be official photographers of one of the military hunts she helped organize for returning soldiers. Imagine the pride they had at being a part of the official team helping military families.

Shortly, before graduation, I received a message from her saying that she would like to return the favor, by taking pictures at Sawyer’s graduation party. We were ecstatic for such a gift, because we knew our evening would be hustle and bustle. She was so proud of the young man, who called her auntie and for whom she had relentlessly prayed.

Sadly, she wasn’t able to join our party, in the way we had hoped. A couple weeks before our Boy Wonder’s graduation, Auntie Stacy collapsed at work. Although, she was rushed to the hospital, the woman who to all of us was larger than life passed away six days before his big day. Her funeral service was held the day of his commencement, just three hours prior. Due to the distance between our homes, we were unable to attend.

Our hearts were broken. How could this happen? I shared our sadness on Facebook, and another dear friend, who wanted to honor Stacy’s life, stepped up at the last minute to fulfill her wish to photograph our evening. Although her presence was not like the ending of that in-flight movie, tucked quietly into the decorations of his party was one of the photographs our kids took of her on “official” duty. It wasn’t the “happily ever after” moment we would have all wished for. Yet, a love like hers never completely dies, but rather lingers forever, because once upon a time, my children were loved by Auntie Stacy.

Just one of the puppies Auntie Stacy arranged to be given to returning soldiers. She was a dynamo in life and will be missed!

Just one of the puppies Auntie Stacy arranged to be given to returning soldiers. She was a dynamo in life and will be missed!

*Special note: The Reed-A-Cheetah program is our family’s way of giving back to the hospital where Reed died. The Reed Stevens Legacy program is available at the Avera McKennan hospital in Sioux Falls, SD. A stuffed cheetah is given to the surviving siblings of any child who passes away at that medical facility. The cheetah (which was Reed’s favorite animal) is extremely rare in nature and so, too are the relationships that siblings share with each other. The cheetahs symbolize three children in Minnesota who understand what it is like to lose a special sibling.

Birthday letter

Dear Reed –

I am sure that Pastor didn’t know how his words last Sunday would impact me. I had heard the quote before, but for some reason, this time the sentiment washed over my soul as if God himself had given me the explanation.

“If there were no love, there would be no grief.” ~Zig Ziglar

reedhuck

Truer words were never spoken because I love you without end. From the moment we learned we were pregnant to the day we said good-bye here on earth and every single day in between, I have been your mom. I always will be. Even though our moments are memories now, you simply cannot tell the heart to stop loving. It is a heart well that will never go dry. Grief would be nothing if a heart didn’t love so deeply. Although, it hurts not having you here, I could never stop being your momma, even if I wanted to.

Sometimes, I think there are people who wish that we didn’t share our journey. This will come as no surprise to you. I really don’t care what they think. They didn’t get the chance to love you the way we did, with a love that defies the boundaries of heaven and earth.

Though our eyes may sometimes be clouded by grief, our hearts are always reminded that as much as we love you God loves you and us more! His beloved Son erased those boundaries so someday we will see you again. Definitely a love without end!

Today has been a delicate tightrope balance, because your birthday falls on Father’s Day. This has only happened twice since you passed away, but it is really a hard day for Dad. I was always jealous of how he had you to hold on his first Father’s Day, just a few days after you were born. Today, I just hurt for him. I think he often wonders what you would be like now, especially after seeing your friends return home from their first year of college.

Both of us are trying to prepare our hearts for Sawyer leaving home next year. Maybe it is because we didn’t get to share all those moments with you; both of us are savoring every moment. We want to hold on with a grip that would keep him young, yet we watch him navigate in a world as amazing person, knowing he is going to do great things. He follows in your footsteps, yet leaving a mark distinctly his own. If you were here, I know you would agree “The FORCE is strong with him.”

Sister is doing well, especially after hearing the news that she would play again after her injury. Just like that time you carried her after her bike crash, I know you would have gently carried her again telling her she was tough. You were there cheering her on. One of the most tender sibling moments ever is one she carries with her as she loves on all the little children that she babysits.

Huck, your four-legged best friend, is doing better than he has for a long while. He moves a little slower, but on a recent trip to “visit” you he moved without haste to lay next to his boy. Cloie is doing her best to help keep him young.

cloie & huck

Speaking of our little Sally Gal, she is perhaps your greatest legacy. So much of her identity is you. Everyone calls her my mini-me, but her personality is a mini-Reed. Just yesterday, we finished reading one of your favorite summertime books, “Love, Ruby Lavender”.   She laughed at exactly the same spots. In her giggle, I heard your laughter. In her repeating the good parts, I heard your voice. I loved it all. Though there were struggles to get her here, I am so glad that God gave us her, but more so, that she came packaged with your heart. It does mine good in so many ways.

Just like you always wanted to do, we once again celebrated your birthday with blizzards for supper tonight. So much better than “Happy Birthday”, the cardinal serenading us as we drove into the driveway was one of those amazing small glimpses of heaven.

The invisible boundary between heaven and earth doesn’t prevent grief, but neither does it stop love.

By God’s design, a momma’s love is a force much stronger than that.

Loving you always

Momma

Not your typical Mother’s Day tribute

Mark Twain once said, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.”

I don’t know the circumstances regarding the utterance, but I think we all understand the meaning.  I know that more than once in my life I have had to muster up strength and courage to fight against all kinds of injustice.  I’m proud to know my own children carry that legacy on, and we affectionately refer to one of our kids as “the truth and justice meter”.  More than once, I have heard my husband say, “She may be small, but she is scrappy. My money is on her.”  I don’t actually consider myself small, but my “fight” in this world can pack a mighty wallop.

The truth is this is one trait where the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

In most ways, I take after my dad from chosen career to genetic traits.  But there is one trait that I definitely get from my mom.  The tenacity to never give up and to fight when no one else speaks up are pretty big legacies.

I am reminded of a time from my childhood when my mom accomplished the bravest thing I have ever seen anybody do.  Now, if you were to ask her, I probably have some of the details wrong, but remember,  it is my elementary school brain that remembers the story.

Long ago, my parents were dorm parents.  We lived in the apartment complex attached to the Men’s Athletic dormitory at Columbus (GA) College.  To us kids, it felt like we lived in a castle.  There was lots of room to romp and play, with the exception being right out our back door.  The neighbors had “some type of something” going on over there that involved large and vicious-sounding dogs.  Most likely, those were real fighting dogs.  The people, who we rarely ever saw, kept those dogs tied out on short stakes with no shade in the hot Georgia weather, day and night.  If one of us kids so much as stepped foot back there, those dogs literally warned us with their growling and snarling not to do it again.  They were big, barking behemoths that scared us to death.

Then one day came the thunderstorm of all thunderstorms.  Deep, dark, threatening clouds that released thunderous noise, bright lightning, and golf ball hailstones terrorized our neighborhood.  My mom looked out the window at the storm, but instead of seeing the weather, her heart was broken.  All she saw was frightened animals who were being pummeled by hailstones.  Putting her own life at risk, she gathered up cardboard boxes and went out into the storm.  All I can remember doing is holding my brother and crying, watching her go from one dog to another to provide each one with a rudimentary shelter.

Sopping wet,  cold and I am certain bruised, shed didn’t bother to towel off before she proceeded to call the police upon returning inside.  From there, the details get fuzzy, but I do know that she was called to testify in court about the maltreatment of those animals.

And she did!

An injustice had occurred and if no one else was going to stand up for those dogs, she would.

One day, the dogs were all gone, and she told us the police came and picked them up.  I would like to believe that they went to loving homes, but even if they didn’t . . .

I am so proud of my mom and the fight left in her “dog”.  It is a lesson I never forgot.

This picture is 5 years old, but it is one of the few I have with my mom and her mom in recent years.  (my daughter, my mom, me, my other daughter, and my Nanny).  This will be our first Mother's Day without Nanny.

This picture is 5 years old, but it is one of the few I have with my mom and her mom in recent years. (my daughter, my mom, me, my other daughter, and my Nanny). This will be our first Mother’s Day without Nanny.