Tag Archives: praise

Tearful Praise

Twice in the last week, I have heard the same alarming study.  The television and news journal both telling the findings of recent research regarding the endemic rise of heroin use among younger and younger people.  After hearing the details of the gateway experience attributed to this alarming trend, I was overcome with grief for the families chronicled in the stories.

My husband will explain he judges the quality of a story, movie, or commercial by my reaction.  Not ashamed to admit: I am a crier.  If the story causes me to cry, his judgment is two thumbs up.  No emotional reaction means it probably wasn’t worth watching.

Yet the visceral response after hearing of the families impacted by heroin use, brought me to my knees in tearful praise.  Tearful praise?  How could that be my reaction you might wonder?

The proverb – There but for the grace of God – would be aptly fitting here.  The youth in the studies had one common link – a childhood injury treated with narcotic pain-killers.  I am not anti-pharmaceutical, but I remember a day when we were forced to make a decision.

Following the bus crash, one of the Sawyer’s doctors prescribing higher and higher doses of pain medications which had us questioning this line of treatment.  Don’t get me wrong . . .  my son’s physical and emotional pain exceeded any human scale, but my spirit was unsettled. If we continue to give him more and more of these medicines, what will happen in his future when he gets hurt?

With my educational background, I have enough knowledge of neuroscience, chemistry, and biology to understand how complex biological systems adjust to a new state of homeostasis.

Sitting in that doctor’s office hearing the physician wanted to add another narcotic to the already lengthy list for an eleven year old had me baffled.  After consulting with other friends, who happen to be physicians and who shared our concerns, we changed doctors.

The first thing the new medical team prescribed was to wean off the narcotic pain medications immediately (as in do not pass Go and do not collect $200)  which was acknowledgement of all my worries.  I knew my son wanted to return to playing sports, and I knew injuries are often part and parcel with the sports he played.  While other moms were praying for all the things moms pray, I was praying  those things too with one addition, that my child’s brain chemistry would not crave medications to numb the pains.

God answered those prayers. 

When I heard the news story, the vivid reminders of those prayers came flooding back.  God answered the prayers of a broken hearted momma, who had nothing to offer other than open hands hoping for divine provision to fill the emptiness.

On my knees, tears flowing down.  I praised him over and over for answered prayers.  My heart overwhelmed with the power of what God achieved from the desires of my heart. Every surgical procedure, after the day we walked out of that original doctor’s office, we would take the powerful prescribed medications unopened to the police station for disposal.

Mightily, God answered the prayers of a mom who wanted to claim a future beyond his darkest day.  Overcome with gratitude and through tearful praise, I thanked God for the provision and while I was there, I asked for his comfort for all the families whose story did not mimic ours.

My heart breaks for the families impacted by addiction, and if you have a little room in your prayers, consider praying for each of them asking God to someday provide for them a day of tearful praise.

O_Praise_Him

By JFXie (Flickr: O Praise Him) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Tackling fears . . .

This past week has been one where I have really felt God molding and shaping me.  None of what that first sentence entailed was easy.  A week ago, I travelled and spoke to a M.O.P.S. (Mothers of Preschoolers) group.  During the talk, I shared that sometimes I call my friends whom I know utilize the same devotional books as me to ask them what the words were on their pages.  I just need reassurance that God had the same words written for everyone because they seem to be uniquely tailored to my needs.   Just one place where I have heard God’s whisper this week. . .

Next came the book I was reading.  Beyond Tuesday Morning written by Karen Kingsbury was one that I desired to read but have had sitting at my house for seven years.  I am a little ashamed to admit that because it just shows how easily my day is shifted away from doing something I enjoy like reading.  In the story, the main character comes face-to-face with dealing with her life and her reliance on fear in every decision she has made since a tragic loss in her life.  The ensuing words were as if the floor of my bedroom opened up and I began to fall, tumbling into the abyss.  I sat and cried for what seemed like hours.  God whispered again . . .

Even though God whispered, I did a lot of talking . . . to him.  I realized that since the bus crash I had fallen into patterns of fear that were, at times, keeping me from living.  My fears are real (to me), and they have kept me catching my breath for years.  I am the mother of seven children, but only three of them live with me.  I have survived the deaths of four of my children, but I do not wish to endure that agonizing pain again.  While I don’t want to smother life out of my kids, their every move in the world sometimes paralyzes me.  I shared with God my deeply rooted fear of failure.  I am not sure where that comes from, but I do have a strong desire to succeed in God’s plans, (and I am my worst obstacle).  There are other fears that God (and others) knows about that have kept me from fully engaging in life.

During our quiet time together, I realized what my fears really said about my faith.  My fears said I didn’t quite believe that God was who he said he was and is.  That was a sobering fact to face. Thankfully as I shed tears and handed over control, I felt like a rock was lifted from my soul. I literally felt lighter – almost buoyant.  God collected my tears in his bottle and lifted me up. . .

My "Reed's" graduation gift last year.  A bottle symbolizing my beloved Bible verse Psalm 56:8 and that God will replace my tears with stars in the skies.

My “Reed’s” graduation gift last year. A bottle symbolizing my beloved Bible verse Psalm 56:8 and that God will replace my tears with stars in the skies.

Apparently, I have the most the routine behaviors, because that cathartic afternoon was a topic of unexpected conversations with two of my friends.

Daily I get a text message from one in the inner circle asking for my prayer requests for the day.  Usually I respond with the one intercession most pressing on my heart, but that day I listed “a prayer of thanks for a lesson about fear”.   Although her phone call was not immediate, it did come ringing the alarm bells that afternoon.

“What in the mayonnaise is going on?  Are you okay? What has happened? I am worried.”

I assured her I was just fine. Giddy, actually! I simply wanted to relish in praise and thanksgiving for God completely changing my thinking.  I shared how I felt like a new person, and that I was finally ready to ‘fess up my fears to God, letting him take control of those things holding me back.

A few days later I ran into another circle friend whose words caught me by surprise.  Right there in the cracker aisle at Mecca of the South, she exclaimed, “What has happened to you?  Something’s different! Even the color has come back to your face!”

Wow!  That was a glowing review!  I am choosing to focus on the positive (And NO! I don’t want to know what I looked like before.)  In just a few words I summed up what she clearly saw, “I’m letting go of fear”.

Today as I was completing my devotions which I was woefully behind, again I was humbled by the message reverberating for my soul.

[The next step is to introduce them to Me (insert: Jesus), enabling me to embrace them in My loving Presence.] (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

Although I didn’t weep this time, I was much lighter in spirit when I said, “Hello fear.  Let me introduce you to my Jesus.”

I don’t think that I will be fear free ever in my life, but I am choosing this day to live mindful that I can turn my fears, doubts, worries, and insecurities over to God and his Son.  I think this is the beginning of something amazing in my life, and it is my heart’s desire that is for you as well.  Here’s hoping God is whispering into your world today!

Author’s note:  I have heard this song a few times on Christian radio.  Music often stirs my soul.  If you watch the video, it gives a good visual of what control I have allowed fear in my life.  Even better yet, you will see how God has plans to restore or in the case of the video reverse that pattern.  I may always be a wistful optimist, but I truly believe that our heart’s songs rise straight to God’s ears!

Oh the cardinal!

The morning I arrived in Kentucky, I was whisked to a cool, dark soccer field.  Still groggy from my three in the morning pick-up at the train station, my sweet friend opened the locker room to allow me to freshen up.  I spent the next two hours huddled under a blanket (who knew it would be that cool in Kentucky?) watching one of the most motivational coaches I know work with her soccer team.  (And that is a pretty big compliment coming from this coach’s daughter.)

While shivering, oops I mean, sitting, my ears heard the song of an old familiar friend.  Somewhere hidden in the trees surrounding the field was one of our favorite songbirds – the messenger of hope to our family – the cardinal.  I had to smile because I was listening to the red bird’s melodious song while watching the preseason practice of the “Lady Cardinals”.

Joy – pure, unadulterated joy – filled my soul and spirit as I took the field to share with those darling girls what it means to create a legacy.  The reason for my happiness was simple. Among the foliage was a little piece of home.

Later at breakfast, I shared with Coach B of how God (and in our hearts, Reed) sent the songbird in one of our  darkest hours.  She, like many others who have heard the story, was moved by the cardinal coming at exactly the moment when we needed him the most.   I am sure that our server (another one of my sweet Kentucky sisters) was wondering what in the mayonnaise was going on at that table. We did create quite a ruckus praising God for his sense of humor of putting a cardinal lover together with a coach of the cardinals.

After breakfast, it was time to head over to the B&B to rest and relax.  Upon stepping out of the car, I was taken by the beauty of the inn, the sounds of the South, and the smells reminiscent of my childhood.  My eyes were drawn to the front porch lined with inviting rockers.  I knew I would be spending every chance I got right there.

The front porch at the Woodford Inn

The front porch at the Woodford Inn

A flash of red appeared in the corner of my eye.  Immediately, I knew what was happening.  For me, that is a God sighting – when he allows the red bird to remind me I am loved.  I couldn’t help myself, but I began to hit Coach B on the arm.  I am certain that she thought I had lost my marbles.  I had only “known” her for 7 hours, and here I was smacking her to grab her attention.

Photo found at wunderground.com Credit given to cshirsch

Photo found at wunderground.com Credit given to cshirsch

All I had to do was point to the corner of the porch, and she understood.  Honestly, hitting her was my only option because I couldn’t speak.  The lump in my throat was that big.  God called me to this place, and like that moment five years ago, he sent “Reedy” to tell me that all of this was a part of his bigger plan.

With tears in my eyes, I couldn’t help but smile that the young man I shared in my legacy story earlier that morning was “present” in the red wings of God’s love.

 

 

 

For those unfamiliar with our family’s story, below is the wording from the card we had made for Christmas in 2008.

The cardinal is a beautiful bird with gorgeous red plumage and an equally inviting song.  There is an old legend that says that the cardinal was once a white bird, in fact as white as snow.  The cardinal came to the cross on Calvary’s hill and sang to Jesus at the base of his cross.  The cardinal sang with all its might to his Maker and Master. During his song, Jesus’ blood dripped onto his feathers, and henceforth the male cardinal has been his brilliant red color.

As many of you know, our children have received a bird Christmas ornament every year. Each of the children receives a different bird that has some significance to their lives. Reed received the blue jay because he loved to watch the blue jays eat sunflowers outside his bedroom window.  Sawyer has the cardinal after he received a gift from his godparents that had a cardinal on it, and he loved it.  Erin has the chickadee, because Kandy was so excited to have a little “chick” in the house.  Cloie gets the American goldfinch for while pregnant with her a goldfinch came to the family’s feeders for the first time. Each of the children’s birds had visited our feeders except for the cardinal.  No matter how many different ways we tried, we just couldn’t lure a cardinal to our backyard.

Then the most unspeakable horror happened to our family.  We were deep in the midst of our grief when the most improbable and impossible thing occurred. Exactly one month following Reed’s death, a male cardinal landed in our backyard tree (with no feeders filled), and he started singing the most beautiful song our ears could hear.  But it took the faith of a young man to realize that a miracle was happening.  Sawyer realized the red bird was a message from Reed to tell us that he is doing just fine in Jesus’ arms. See Reed knew exactly which bird to have Jesus send to get our attention.  He also knew how deeply hurt Sawyer was at that point in our journey, and he knew which bird would be the one, above all other birds, Sawyer needed to see.  (It probably didn’t hurt that he sent a bird that was his favorite color.) Well, some may call it coincidence, but we choose to

Believe in Miracles!

Thanking God for North Dakota

Hey Dad –

I spent some time away this past weekend.  Much of the time it was just you and me, and we had a lot of time to talk.  I will confess that more of the time I talked, and you listened.  Together we spent some time in worship.  That is the amazing thing about travel time.  I can make a joyful noise to my heart’s content.  There were much appreciated quiet times.  It was during those silent moments that I was moved to tears.  Your creation just does that to me.

Home is something that has been loosely defined by this girl with a nomadic past. My version of home can be the moment in a conversation where I realize how blessed I am by the company you have given me.  Home will always be the emerald coast of Florida’s panhandle with snowy white beaches and all the memories and people of my childhood.  The sanctuary of home is eternally wherever Daniel and our children waltz the delicate  dance steps of life. Uncovering the treasures therein, my garden is one of the places where I feel closest to you; so home has to be found there as well.

I didn’t realize until my trip this weekend how much I realized that North Dakota feels like one step away from you and thus home.  Sometimes, I think that heaven’s gate is just around the next field.  I think my affirmation came when the tears began to well up in my eyes just marveling at the expansive sky and verdant fields.  No place on earth does that to me like a highway in what some aptly call “God’s Country”.

north dakota

I want to thank you for all the places I call home, and most specifically today, for the place called North Dakota.  Thank you for a sky so large your breath is literally taken away by its beauty.  Thank you for rich and fertile soil that grows such beautiful crops.  That same rich soil is where we chose to return the shell of our son.  His earthly resting place is in one with such beauty where ducks fly over, deer frolic, and prairie grasses whisper in the wind.  Thank you for fields of sunflowers that could make any heart leap for joy.  I praise you for the people of the Dakotas who are truly some of your finest masterpieces.

Thank you for creating the people that brought me to and who keep me tied to that prairie land.  First it was my parents who transplanted a Southern girl to the plains and who created family all those miles away.  Then my heart was lovingly anchored there by the Dakota boy I married as well as our extended family who keep me dreaming of the next visit.

Humbled, rejuvenated, connected, but most of all, loved, I am so thankful for the time I spent in the Red River Valley this weekend.

Thank you for creating North Dakota as a place where my soul finds rest.

Love always,

Your Daughter