Tag Archives: prayers

Freedom Day

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Today during my daily morning time with God, the opening lines in my devotional, Jesus Calling, summed up a recent experience of mine.

“TRUST ME, and don’t be afraid. Many things feel out of control.”

These were simple words which revealed an area of my life that I have battled for years. In a recent blog, I shared about my struggle with fear. As usual, I wrote openly and honestly, but I didn’t reveal my biggest fear of all. Those closest to me know that fear intimately, because I do talk about it even though I would rather not. My actions, both those grace-filled and those not so much, have reverberated how much control the fear of flying has held me captive. In all actuality, the fear had become a strangle-hold that has prevented me from participating in many life events, sadly including seeing family and serving God.

When I wrote that previous blog, I knew full well what plans I had to conquer (okay, let’s get real) – to challenge fear’s death grip on my life. I am blessed with some of the world’s best friends, and a special one gave me the opportunity to go on a cruise with her. The only catch was I somehow needed to get to Tampa. Oh, that’s only 1650 miles from my home.

As I researched my options, I discovered the most economical and most convenient (read: not taking an extra week of travel) option was to fly. Since God had already lain on my heart that I needed to let go of this all-consuming fear, I knew what I had to do. I didn’t like it, but I needed to be obedient to his call on my struggle. I will confess that it took me three months to have the nerve to buy the ticket, but once I did, I knew there was no turning back.

Previously, all my thoughts would have fixated on the panic of being inside the airplane. By all my thoughts, I mean every waking thought. So great was my terror that I could not watch airplane movies and even would tremble when purchasing tickets for previous flights. I won’t even tell you how bad my behavior was on those actual flights. Although, I will say I met one of my dearest friends that way – mid-air, consoling a sobbing me who was convinced she was going to perish that day.

This time was different. My captured thoughts (2 Cor 10:5) were spent giving my fear back to Jesus. My hands did not tremble when I purchased the ticket, and every time doubt crept in, I whispered, “Fear of flying, meet my Jesus.” Initially, I told very few people about my trip because I wasn’t completely confident of my abilities to do this. (It would not be the first time I walked on a flight and got right back off.) I acknowledged that I couldn’t do this, but instead placed it at the feet of my Lord, who could. Somehow, my heart filled with peace. It was a slow transformation.

The day arrived, and much to my surprise, I wasn’t filled with trepidation. I announced the day as “Freedom Day” to my family as they drove me to the airport. Freedom from what was holding me hostage was a huge obstacle to overcome.

AllegiantSun

After boarding the plane, I immediately set my mind on my previous week’s and day’s humble beseeching prayer, and hoped for the best. (I rest assured in the hope I have placed in God and his Son, my confidence in me, however, was marginal, at best.) Never one short in hugs or stories, I did the one thing that came most natural to me – struck up a conversation with my seatmates.

In the way that only God could orchestrate, my new found friends were a pastor and his wife. I marveled at their peace and reassurance of my situation (even on occasion holding my hand), but also at how much we had to share with each other. I came away buoyed not only by their friendship, but also their wisdom in many of the topics we discussed during the flight. We shared that while we all have struggles; God is faithful through it all. With that, I was reminded that I had already lived through (and survived) my worst nightmare (of losing a child) with God’s steadfast hand ever present. While our lives were not mirror images, we did have one reflection in common – a burning desire to live life for Jesus while loving on his people.

The hours passed quickly as we swapped stories. Faster than I thought was imaginable, the flight was over! I successfully flew with help of God and my new friends (B & T)! Letting go of my personal kryptonite, I tasted how sweet freedom truly was.

I wish I could tell you that is where the story ended. But that is not exactly what God had in mind! A week later, as it was time to return home, God provided once again! Because there in seats A and B to my C, were my friends from a week ago!

As I have professed before, the only things I truly collect are God’s blessings of friends. I was blown away by some amazing new ones who will always be able to say not only did they witness “Freedom Day”, but they were a part of God’s plan for it.

When I read those words this morning, I heard God’s gentle reminder –

Trust me, Kandy. I’ve got it all under control.

Humbly, I am truly thankful He does.

 

Blessings not burdens

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Hinged AFO

Hinged AFO

Autism

Cerebral Palsy

Traumatic Brain Injury

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Cushing’s Disease

Speech Delayed

Attachment Disorder

Lupus

Down’s Syndrome

Multiple Sclerosis

Attention Deficit Disorder

Spinal Cord and Nerve Injury

Depression

Schizophrenia

Different

Weird

Useless

Draining

BLESSINGS, but definitely not burdens!

Over the course of the last five years, God has given me a new type of vision.  The visual clarity that sometimes only comes when you have a small glimpse into how someone else lives.  Even though our son’s healing journey continues, his day-to-day activities become less and less impacted by the injuries he received.

Not so for many of the wonderful families we have met while in the hospital waiting rooms or on Caringbridge.  This is something that I really took for granted prior to the day that changed our lives. I am embarrassed to admit, I never thought about the struggles that some families face.  I remember the moment the tidal shift occurred in my visual correction.

We sent Sawyer to the store to pick up something that we had forgotten.  He used his adapted bike to travel the few blocks to the store, and once there used the store’s mechanical cart.  A store employee came over and berated him for playing with something he didn’t need, calling him inappropriate names. Apparently, this man didn’t notice the AFO or the scars on Sawyer’s leg or the struggles he had getting off the cart.

Distraught when he returned from the store, the news he brought home caused the Momma Bear in me to erupt with Old Faithful geyser-like timing.  The problem was the same thing happened at two other businesses within the same week.  After many tears and few choice words, I was exhausted battling stupidity.

I was disgusted with humanity.  I was sick of people and their stares and their lack-of-understanding.  Remember Kandy, this will be temporary in Sawyer’s life. That small realization straight from God completely changed my heart and my prayers.  Back then, I had no idea that we would still be having surgeries now, but I knew some families wouldn’t have the same results that we would someday have.

After feeling the sting of discrimination and ignorance, my prayers changed. I began to ask God to see each person the way He does.  The list at the top of this blog represents real people who have touched my life.  Each one of them has blessed my life in ways so much more than I can explain.

Some of the greatest of these has been the ability to live in the moment, to love someone for whom they are, and to never see what you can’t do, only what you can.  Those lessons will change your life. They did mine.

The long road home . . . Part 1

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22LVtrain1For the upcoming weeks, I am planning two series of writings about things near and dear to my heart.  This week will be about the adventure I took going back to Florida to help with the services for my Nannie (my maternal grandmother).  As a Christian, I did not go to say good-bye; I went to remember the amazing times and to say “I’ll see you soon”.  This travel blog will be about the things I learned about myself and the revelations that God had in store for me as well as remembrances of my Nannie.

Many know that I love a good bargain, and some know that I have a general aversion to flying solo.  So when the news of my Nannie’s passing arrived I wasn’t sure what to do.  I will be honest and say that my Nannie (whom I love and adore) had hoarding issues.  My quandary was to attend the services or to come at a later time to help with the clean-up (which I knew would be needed).  After hearing the sadness in my mom’s voice, I knew I needed to go for the services to support her.

Thus I found myself traveling by Amtrak (which I have always enjoyed) leaving my home at 4 AM in order to board on time. Right away in the depot, I met a delightful new friend who became my travelling partner on the first leg of the trip.  While awaiting the train’s arrival, we settled in on the vintage railroad benches in the original depot in Red Wing, MN, introducing ourselves.  It was an instantaneous liking that I am often blessed to find in my life.

She was travelling for business and was a first-time rail passenger with my journey more somber as a seasoned Amtrak customer.  We found seats near each other, and we watched each other’s items as one or the other of us walked about the train.  She settled in working on Christmas cards, and I settled in and slept (not having done so much for the week prior while fretting about my Nannie).  Later during one of our visits, we discovered our mutual love of our dogs – both being the proud mommas of goldens and our mutual love of all natural foods.

She was simply a gift as my long journey home had just begun.  We made plans to perhaps go out for dinner in Chicago, but due to a late arrival and my choice to upgrade to first class sleeping accommodations, it just didn’t work out.  We exchanged information and her Christmas card (so sweet), and we said our good-byes. It was a few moments later that God’s first revelation on this trip hit me.

A week before I left I had seen a sweet little story about childhood friends reconnecting over Facebook after many years. I spent a couple afternoons looking for my elementary best buddy, Teresa.  We were inseparable but lost contact when my family moved away.  My searches were fruitless, and that left me sad lamenting about the old saying that some people come into our lives for brief moment while others last a lifetime.  I am certain my enhanced melancholy had more to do with trying to keep my mind busy while my Nannie was lingering in the hospital.

As I watched my friend ride the escalator up out of the belly of Union Station, God revealed to me that He did answer my searches . . . just not the way I was expecting.  My new friend that He provided to usher me along the start of the journey was named –  Theresa!  With a few tears came the recognition of a reaped blessing through a prayer answered in God’s perfect way!