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Returning home

Who says you can’t go home
There’s only one place they call me one of their own
Just a hometown boy, born a rolling stone, who says you can’t go home
Who says you can’t go back, been all around the world and as a matter of fact
There’s only one place left I want to go,

Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora

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I don’t know what creativity transpired for the musicians to pen the lyrics to “Who Says You Can’t Go Home”.  What I will never know in song origin, I make up for in sentiment.  Last week, I lived those words. Standing underneath the stately magnolia tree, I was transported to the elementary school days of my childhood when teachers would ask us to clean the erasers.  Smacking those black woolen felt erasers into clouds of white dust, we would enjoy the Southern dappled sun peeking through the waxy leaves.

Carefully walking over the exposed roots, I traipsed back to the vehicle where my completely Midwestern family patiently indulged my tour of childhood schools and homes.  The older I get the more I value roots; both those supporting my favorite tree of all time and those connecting and grounding us to our childhoods.  Although I haven’t lived in the South for nearly thirty years, the scent of Gulf air and the sound of the whippoorwill are not far from my soul’s memories. I haven’t spent much of my life thinking about the influence of the place I call home, but sometimes paradigm shifts are subtle.

It’s always the little things. The interior paint of our home is called “sea salt”, my grandmother’s cast iron cornbread pan rests on my stove, and a big bag of grits can be found in my cupboards. The South never truly leaves a girl.

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On our recent vacation, one which was planned to correspond with my grandmother’s 92nd birthday, I realized just how much the South has shaped my life. Although I love both of these things, my nostalgia extended far beyond “yes ma’am’s” and door-opening gentlemen and somehow I felt more alive than I had in many days.  Of course, visiting in the summer was questionable judgment, but when your Mama is a June-bug there aren’t many alternatives.

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My senses were overloaded in way that made my soul say, “Remember this.  Savor this moment because your next infusion might be awhile away.” The sound of the Gulf waves lapping the shore were the melodic framing of many days and nights. The smells of home cooking and the sea aroused my olfactory bulbs.  All the swirls of green and blue with a few white blossoms punctuated my vision causing heart to be truly content. The feel of salt spray on my skin and sand between my toes lingered for days.

This is home. This is where I truly feel happy.

It wouldn’t be the South without the swapping of tales and little humor sprinkled in the right places like the when my uncle teased the waitress the cooking was so good it would make someone want to slap their grandma or when my vegan cousin suggested he could buy a whole lot of carrots with a gift card to a fish house.

My South included the divine, sitting in the wooden pew of a little white church being surrounded by the “Amen’s” of God’s people and the standing to sing the hymns of my childhood.  Having the opportunity to speak and share God’s love for others while my Southern Baptist uncle, who happens to be the pastor,, looked on and said I had missed my calling melted my heart completely.

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We did a whole lot of visiting and eating. Sharing my childhood with my children included a gastrointestinal tour of the southeast. There were Cracker Barrel and Po’Folks veggie plates, lemonade and chicken sandwiches at Chic Fil’A, big ol’ Texas sized burgers at What-A-Burger, juice dripping Georgia peaches, and limeades at Sonic, but somehow my favorite boiled peanuts eluded us.  Buying the shrimp straight off the boats at the biggest tourist attraction in Florida, Joe Patti’s, was a must as was al fresco dining at Flounder’s amid cannons firing at pirate ships on Pensacola Beach.  A little walk-up stand was frequented twice, because the best foot long chili dogs and milkshakes in Alabama can be found there.

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Included in our moments were the new memories made like when my children asked to eat at a Waffle House because they had only seen a bazillion of them on our drive from Atlanta to Pensacola.  They were dismayed at my neglect of never having brought them to one of the iconic diners.  Mutiny akin to that of those pirate ships was on their mind when I professed that while they had never eaten at one, their older brother actually had.  Their steely silence lifted when the gigantic waffle was set before them.  Thank goodness for pecan waffles – a mother’s saving grace!

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None of the places visited or the food eaten was the greatest part of our trip.  No sirree! as my tiny little cousin exclaimed more than once in our visiting time.  He along with every other cousin, aunt, uncle, mom, dad, and grandmother were the best part of my grounding. Hugging necks and breathing the same air as my family – all of them – was truly the greatest blessing of my summer.  Having my Minnesota children experience every bit of it was – well, the lemon in my sweet tea.

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Today no matter where you are and where you define home, be thankful for the memories stored there. They are a priceless collection.

As for me, these are my people and this is my home – every Southern fried bit of it!

 

 

Fly high, son. Fly high!

wingsIt isn’t often that I envy my kids. They live in a such a high-tech and fast-paced world, that I think my days of Saturday morning cartoons and playing outside until dusk seem downright genteel. But the ol’ green-eyed monster did rear his head after picking up my son from a week long experience he had the honor to attend.

My parents made mention of this academy a few years back and remarked about how they really wanted him to attend. When I told the Boy Wonder, he was intrigued by the idea of an elite training in all the subjects he loves. I’m telling you the apple does not fall far from the tree on this one. Science, Math, and Engineering, oh my! On the beaches of Pensacola Bay! I ask you what is not to love here? When we further researched the experience, I was momentarily deterred by the cost, but nonetheless made a vow that the summer between his junior and senior years we would make it happen. My parents kept us up-to-date of times to apply and opportunities for scholarships.

Let me back up a little bit in this story. Every time, we have gone home (to Pensacola), we get up early to go watch the Blue Angels practice. If my children bleed Laker blue from school pride, then I think the color of my blood must look like a combination of gulf green and Blues paint. Following the aerial show, we tour the museum. The volunteers have asked my kids if they would like to fly like that. The boys always answered with an enthusiastic, “Yes!” to which the tour guide faithfully replied back, “Study your math and science!” If that wasn’t enough to swell this teacher momma’s heart, I don’t know what would. (Seriously y’all! Melt My Heart!)

The dream slipped by the way side when he endured years of hospitalizations and surgeries, but his commitment to excellent study never did. Even though it seemed like an impossibility, he completed the very rigorous application process. Not only was he accepted but also offered a full scholarship. After what seemed to be a sequel to Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, the Boy Wonder and I arrived in Alabama where he was swiftly whisked away by my folks.

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I won’t give away everything that he did in the week so as to not spoil it for future AXPs, but let’s just say I was jealous before he began and even more so afterward. From the moment he arrived, they are welcomed on board their carrier, Ambition. Throughout the week, they train, coordinate, plan, and complete missions. Think: intelligence and rescue missions. The technology is so amazing at this academy that my son could name every local airstrip within a short drive of Pensacola Naval Air Station (because he had flown over them or to them). Not to mention, when we toured the Ambition at the closing, he showed us equipment that exists nowhere else in the world.

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At graduation, they received their wings, but family members were in for a real treat when we learned our children’s call signs. I was a little perplexed when I learned my son’s co-pilot  (6’4” and already a Marine) had the call sign, “Elsa”. When I later learned that it is very common for pilots to sing during missions, I was still a little baffled. With a small chuckle, he explained that the Commander overheard his friend singing Frozen songs and the name stuck. No, Goose and Maverick, here, but Astro and Elsa have their own ring, I guess.

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During the debriefing (by which I mean the point when you go grab an amazing burger with your mom and grandparents at Whataburger), we heard his tales of the great blue sea and sky. We heard about his dismay on the first day they introduced themselves. Everyone there had experience as pilots or the dream of being pilots. When it got to him, the Boy Wonder explained, “I’m planning to be doctor. Um, naval doctor.” He didn’t let the disconnect deter him one bit. Going on to successfully complete missions, he loved every minute of strategy, navigation, and of course, flight.

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While eating our burgers, he did share one story that had my dad’s and my hearts swelling with pride. He explained that not everyone was as versed in some skills as others and about how on his first mission, he and Elsa were the navigators at the beginning. The pilots weren’t responding to his coordinate instruction, and it was frustrating him. When it was their time in the cockpit, he quietly whispered to his buddy. “We are NOT taking navigational advice from those guys. I’ve got this! I know vectors like the back of my hand.” I know that is not exactly a team mentality, but as math teachers, we understood. I think Minnesotans could have seen our beaming smiles, and to every single one of his math teachers up to this point, I THANK YOU!!!

Well, he didn’t attend the National Flight Academy with the intention of being a pilot, but he sure caught the bug while he was there. On our three hour drive home from the airport, he remembered something he learned at med school camp a year earlier. Sometimes the pilots for medical rescue missions ARE the doctors. And yes, he has already asked to earn his pilot’s license, just to be ahead of the game.

Oh, Boy! Here we go! Up, up and away!

Special Note: A very special thank you to the National Flight Academy for the opportunity he had to attend and to learn that his knowledge and passions have real-world applications. He is waiting anxiously to learn if the advanced academy will be up and running next year. On a similar thought, I am waiting for the teacher training academy. I will bring friends! Also, to my readers, if you want to learn more, go to www.nationalflightacademy.com or ask us, we have some great stories to share.

What I want today . . .

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Last year for my dad’s birthday, we bought tickets to a baseball game for the local boys of summer, Pensacola’s very own – Blue Wahoos.  After a much enjoyed Whataburger and sweet tea (of course) lunch, we headed on down to the stadium – sunscreen in hand.  It was my first Wahoos game at a stadium right on Pensacola Bay.  As we were approaching our section, we noticed two ladies hop up from some seats and two gentlemen in what appeared to be our seats.  After a recheck with the ushers, the ladies that had left and the gentlemen now seated were, in fact, in our seats.  They apologized and moved one section over.  All was great until the ladies (and at this point, I use that term loosely) came back.  One of them announced (well, more like hollered), “You are in OUR seats.”  I politely answered that in fact these were our seats.  I tried to further explain, but was cut off by a woman with her face in mine yelling that she had paid good money for these seats.  I stood up and showed her my tickets as the usher stepped in stopping my mother from bopping her in the head.  The usher showed the two where their husbands were sitting and that they had sat in the wrong section in the first place.  Strangely,  no apologies were uttered.

Sadly, I get her frustration.  She wanted to watch a baseball game on Sunday afternoon, and she was proud of her seats.  I get it.  Did I like being yelled at? Nope.  But in the end, we all got what we came for that day.

Right now, I am feeling a giant passel of wants.  Today, my son, my beloved red-headed boy, should be graduating from high school.  But that isn’t going to happen, because he and three sweet other babes were killed when someone made a choice five years ago.  I knew this day would come, and I am trying to hold it together with the best grace that I can muster.

Here is a current list of my wants –

  • I want to tell everyone that my son is attending Yale. (The university he vowed in 6th grade he would attend.)
  • I want to be going crazy, cleaning and shopping and preparing, for a graduation party.
  • I want my eyes to stop hurting from the tears I have cried this week.
  • I want the pounding in my chest to stop hurting.
  • I want my thoughts to be clear, not insulating me from the pain that is going to come.
  • I want to remind a certain few that I am not apologizing for my emotions. There is and forever will be only one momma to Reed.
  • I want to hug my son today – not just see a gown on a chair where he should be.
  • Lastly and more importantly, I want to tell him just one more time how proud I am of him.

But just like those seats at the stadium, what we want and what we get are often two very different things.  So in the last couple weeks, I have clung – tightly- to the One who has collected each tear of mine in His bottle.   I asked Him to show me where He was in the midst of all of this.  It seems every salinated drop has provided spiritual vision that has opened the eyes to my soul.  In all honesty, my provisions have been great and had I blinked I might have missed:

  • The well wishing to another mom who is doing the crazy planning before I had a chance to feel sorry for myself.
  • The hugs from fellow moms of graduates who have sought me out when I needed them the most.
  • A mailbox flooded with invitations from Reed’s friends for their parties because those tender hearts want us to know we are loved.
  • The mom who held me when I sobbed on the front steps of the church on Sunday.
  • The friend almost a thousand miles away who has texted or called every day – just make sure that I am doing okay.
  • The friends who upon hearing my joke about taking up excessive drinking offered to do so with me – just so they could hear me laugh.
  • A midnight ice cream run with a friend because that can solve most of life’s problems.
  • The mom who gave me a pep talk in the Wal-mart parking lot telling me that each of the graduates who knew Reed well was going to change the world because his presence changed the world.
  • The friends that offered to sit with me at graduation to just to hold my hand and pass me Kleenex.
  • The church that called and asked for me to come and speak this weekend, numbing the empty void of no celebration, but more importantly, reminding me of what He has planned for my life and Reed’s story
  • An e-mail extraordinaire that gave me the strength to get out of bed today.
  • Continuing on in traditions – oh yeah – McDonald’s for breakfast on the last day of school.  We have to go on – even when it hurts.
  • A cell phone battery almost dead before 8:00 am filled with texts of love.

Even though the items on my first list hurt with an ache that I didn’t know was humanly possible, I look at that second list and I can feel God’s touch.  I hear His whisper of love and mercy.  I know that He will be there with His bottle collecting my tears, wiping away each one.  So that one day when I am reunited with Reed and I meet God in person, we are going to walk hand-in-hand to empty that bottle right on into the ocean.

Then I will stand before my Father with hands raised high – praising him for each and every sweet provision, including the chance to be Reed’s momma.   After that, I am going to hug the mess out of my boy!

This song says it all . . .