Middle of the night,

Sleep wouldn’t come.

I looked for you there, snuggled in my bed,  calling out Your name.

I lay there waiting for Your peace, hoping Your loving hands would wrap around me with the message,

“Daughter, I am here. Your boy will be just fine.  He, too, is in my hands.”

I rested knowing that I know You heard my pleas.

Routine as normal – dogs, breakfast, school.

Our other routine – surgery prep came next.

Pack, prepare, read, re-read, do anything however small to take your mind off what comes next.

The clock ticks slowly, but it now says it is time to go.

My momma heart aches.  I know this is going to hurt.

If he’s afraid, he doesn’t show it.  Once again, he is comforting me.

Thank you, God, that this time . . . this time the surgery is on our home turf.

We aren’t splintered as a family.

Again, I wanted to feel your peace.

After necessary paperwork to the surgical suite we go.

I found You there.

as our pastor was praying with someone else.

A gentle reminder that we are not the only ones that hurt.

Off we go to his room.

I have to smile because maybe it should have our name on it because it is the room I had in the fall.

Stevens Family Surgical Suite

By now, our new family tradition is trips to hospitals with March being our “celebration” month.

Three of the seven surgeries took place in March.

Questions

Questions

More questions

Then it came. . . the dreaded question.

What did you do to get here?

Nothing.  He did absolutely nothing.

Grief washes over . . . loss of a child, loss of a childhood, two brothers changed forever.

I found You there

when the boy comforts the nurse who realizes what she said.

He comforts her like she is the one who has walked our story.

Later things don’t go as we had hoped for the IV.

I found You there

as the nurse asks for God’s hands to guide hers.

Relief fills the room.

More questions

Laughter stemming from how small town news travels fast

We pray.

Prayer – it is the only thing that makes sense.

It is what I’ve been doing since the middle of the night.

I found You there

as hands –  loving, healing hands were placed

as words were prayed from your Words.

It is time to go.

I sat

I prayed

I kept my mind busy by keeping my hands busy

I found You there

when an old friend stopped to see someone else

She simply smiled and said,  “Look at the possibilities.”

Look at the possibilities!

She dared us to dream.

Not just for the immediate future but for where Your plans were taking us.

Dreaming with new hope.

Wait

Wait

Wait

It is done. We talk with the surgeon.

I found You there

When the surgeon said she wished all her patients were as healthy.

After all he’s been through, her words give us new perspective.

Now he just has to awaken.

Wait

Wait

Wait more.

He’s starting to rouse.  We can come back to the suite.

Seeing something for the first time that I wasn’t sure I would ever see.

Five years! We have waited five years for this chance.

This could be a game changer for him.

Perhaps this is the end of this part of the story.

We are left alone and

slowly . . .

I feel them coming. I cannot stop them.

big, BIG tears start to stream down.

I look across the room to see my tears mirrored in the Daddy’s face.

I found You there

as we realized it would all be okay . . .

because You were there all along.

And now, his feet can follow wherever You lead him.